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Original poster

IATA

19 replies

Positivethoughts95 · 13/12/2025 21:35

I’ll try to keep a long story short.

I’ve been with my partner for nine years and we have an eight-year-old together. Our relationship has had many ups and downs. We split when our child was three months old due to my postnatal depression and the lack of support I needed at the time. We got back together when our child was two.

Since then, our relationship has been fairly stable nothing unusual, just the average couple. However, over the last two years he has started his own business, which involves a lot of travelling, and this has put additional strain on our relationship. Because of his work, we agreed that I would leave my full-time job and find part-time work so I could be available for our child when he is away. He now covers 100% of the household bills, while my wages are used as spending money for myself and our son.

I understand that this is a position many people would love to be in, but it hasn’t come without sacrifices. We’re now at a sticking point. The house we currently live in is social housing, with me as the tenant and him listed as an additional adult (I was allocated the property when we originally split). This gives me a sense of security.

Recently, he found a house he wants us to buy, but I’m honestly terrified. The property would be in his name, and I feel like I would be putting both myself and our son in a very vulnerable position if things were to go wrong. We would have no real stability, and he would hold all the control. I’ve spoken to him about this, and he suggested that next year we could buy another property in my name and rent it out. While I understand the logic, it doesn’t really help me if that property has long-term tenants living in it.

My fear comes from the fact that since starting his business, we’ve been arguing a lot. He has threatened to move out and live his own life. I’ll be honest we are not in the best place right now. Despite this, he keeps saying that a fresh start, including moving nearly two hours away from where we currently live, would be the best thing for our relationship and our family. He often says that everything he’s doing is for us, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m placing myself in a very vulnerable position.

Any advice would be appreciated ..good or bad.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 13/12/2025 22:53

Your home is your security - I wouldn't be giving that up to put yourself in a financially precarious position, even if your relationship were going well. If you were married, it wouldn't matter if the house was in his name only, as the property would be a marital asset. As you're not married, this is obviously not the case - have either of you any objection to marriage? If he doesn't want to marry, I'd stay put in your home and tell him he can leave if he wishes. If he loves you and his child, he should want to be with you no matter what.

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 14/12/2025 00:12

Stay as your are. The arguments are red lights and him advising he wants to leave do not leave you in a secure position. He sounds controlling.
The fresh start will be him moving you away from everything you know.
Stand your ground. I would suggest leaving him and finding yourself a job.
Sooner or later the earth is going to be swept from under your feet. Be savvy.

LiddySmallbury · 14/12/2025 00:22

You’d be crazy to move. Stay put and get yourself back to work ASAP.

Girlintheframe · 14/12/2025 00:35

the only way I would move is if my name was also on the property. It sounds like the relationship is struggling at the moment and although moving sounds fun and exciting you’re really just swapping to a different set of problems. Being 2 hours away from your current support/life is a difficult transition to make, even worse if you don’t feel secure in your home or relationship.

Pryceosh1987 · 14/12/2025 02:16

I think its good that he pays 100% of the bills. Hes a keeper.

WinterWooliesBaa · 14/12/2025 02:19

Why would the property only be in his name?

you would be insane to give up your tenancy

Itwasallyellow2 · 14/12/2025 04:01

Do not move.

Even if you were married to him I would be saying the same thing - your relationship is fragile and his threats to leave speak volumes.

You need your tenancy. Get back to working full time as soon as you can. Let him leave. The alternative is you get married and the house becomes a joint asset but if you don’t want to move two hours away from where you are then there’s your answer.

CandyCaneKisses · 14/12/2025 04:03

Stay where you are and look to increase your hours.

calminggreen · 14/12/2025 05:22

Well ….on the other side ….sounds like you can more than afford private housing but you are taking up a valuable council property. If the property is in both your names what the issue?

Endofyear · 14/12/2025 08:57

calminggreen · 14/12/2025 05:22

Well ….on the other side ….sounds like you can more than afford private housing but you are taking up a valuable council property. If the property is in both your names what the issue?

He wants to buy a property in his name only - that is the problem!

Mindyourfunkybusiness · 14/12/2025 09:05

Don't move.

Don't become vulnerable.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/12/2025 09:08

He has threatened to move out and live his own life. I’ll be honest we are not in the best place right now.

The fear you are feeling is your subconscious shouting loud and clear, "This is not a good idea."

There is no way on god's green earth I'd give up a secure tenancy to move away from my support system and move in as a jobless undocumented tenant, unmarried, with a man who kept threatening to leave me and our child.

Once he's got you there, with the property in his sole name, he can kick you out at any time. You'd then be literally homeless and back at the bottom of the housing ladder.

Stay put!

Allthegoodonesareg0ne · 14/12/2025 10:35

Why will the new house be in his name only? I wasn't working when my dh and I bought our current house and I'm still jointly on the mortgage. Not being married you're also more financially vulnerable.
I gave up work to be a constant for our kids as my dh travelled a lot for work and had a long commute even when he was in the office. He earned enough for us to be comfortable and it worked for us. But ten years later when he had an affair I realised that all those people who had told me I was daft were right. I'd lost ten years of career progression whilst my dh, on my back, had just gone up and up in his.
The savings I'd thought were a good safety net for me suddenly looked wholly inadequate.
I would have left with a good divorce settlement but nothing would change tve fact I'd put myself in a terrible position for moving forward whilst I'd put him in a great position.
Be very careful op...

verycloakanddaggers · 14/12/2025 11:45

Do not give up your tenancy.

GloriaMonday · 14/12/2025 12:29

Don't give up the tenancy. You currently have a secure home.

The new house will be in his name only and he'll be paying all the bills.
If you move and he dumps you, you'll have no home and a low salary.
He'll minimise his income because he's self-employed.

titchy · 14/12/2025 12:33

Pryceosh1987 · 14/12/2025 02:16

I think its good that he pays 100% of the bills. Hes a keeper.

What a low bar you have. Sad

DuchessDandelion · 14/12/2025 12:36

Your gut is sounding alarm bells for a reason, listen to it and do not move in with him to his new house.

GloriaMonday · 14/12/2025 12:37

Pryceosh1987 · 14/12/2025 02:16

I think its good that he pays 100% of the bills. Hes a keeper.

Are women really this unaware. It's 2025 not 1950.

notatinydancer · 14/12/2025 20:55

I wouldn’t give up your tenancy in this instance.

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