Question re friendships. Does anyone actually just always feel like they fit in?!

TravelPanic · 12/12/2025 21:23

Not me. But looking at some of my friendship groups I’m sure some of the women in there must feel like they fit in, based on what I can see from their interactions with others. Unfortunately I’m not brave enough to ask them!

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/12/2025 21:29

I find it easy to get on with most people, find someone in a group to chat to/listen to without worrying about it. I never felt like that at school but since I found a tribe at uni and then in my first career which was very socially focussed I like meeting people, getting to know them and have made a lot of new friends in different parts of life in the last few years. Don’t know it that answers your question.

SillyJilly2020 · 12/12/2025 21:30

Not in any way but I do have ASD so maybe its that

topcat2014 · 12/12/2025 21:31

I've always been fine socially, but never the kingpin of any group. I worry I'm losing a bit of confidence as I get older (M/54) and am fighting the urge to not turn into a hermit

BlackSheepThisYear · 12/12/2025 21:42

My sister is one of those people that is just great at being a friend. She is the glue of many social groups. People just flock to her and she makes time for all of them. She has a packed calendar that makes me feel ill just looking at it! I am the complete opposite and a total introvert. I don’t know how she does it.

Anonanonanonagain · 12/12/2025 21:45

I mostly feel like I fit in where I am and I am autistic so the question of someone being ND actually pisses me right off to be honest.

Papyrophile · 12/12/2025 21:49

I make conversation with absolutely everyone during my daily dog walking. And I have a lot of casual acquaintances as a result. Most wouldn't recognise me without the dog

IntrinsicWorth · 12/12/2025 21:52

I don’t feel like I always fit in, and dont always want to socialise in groups, but I am content and reasonably confident in my close friendship circles that people like / identify with me well enough, and me, them.

I think it’s normal to feel uneasy in some social circles/ groups. Most people don’t fit in everywhere or even most places.
You just have to keep trying until you find people you have a good balance with.

They might not always be the people you foresee yourself with. For example one of my best friendship groups came out of a hobby and we are all very different ages - although similar social backgrounds in many other ways.

The best and worst of it for me came from being a parent of young kids in schools. There was this expectation we’d all get along because we had similar aged kids and lived in the same area- most people were a hard swerve or just about tolerable (!). A couple were actively unkind or harmful. 5 or 6, I really liked and am still close to now 20 years on. We share similar values, politics and ways of having fun.

Horrorscope · 12/12/2025 22:00

BlackSheepThisYear · 12/12/2025 21:42

My sister is one of those people that is just great at being a friend. She is the glue of many social groups. People just flock to her and she makes time for all of them. She has a packed calendar that makes me feel ill just looking at it! I am the complete opposite and a total introvert. I don’t know how she does it.

Same here.

EmeraldRoulette · 12/12/2025 22:09

I felt like I fitted in from school until lockdown, when everything fell apart

I'm not sure what to say now or how to rebuild my confidence. I have found a social group, but my own confidence is so lacking, I couldn't say whether or not I fit in.

But I have definitely spent like 40 years feeling like I happily fit in, sure. So it's definitely a thing that people have.

my mum has kept friends for life, so she totally feels like she fits in. My late father probably would've said the same.

BluntAzureDreamer · 12/12/2025 22:12

I fit in with my husband, my teen kids, and my dog. I don't even fit in with my cat (she hates everyone). I'm happiest when I'm with my family and get peopled out very quickly so don't bother socialising much apart from compulsory work related stuff. The older I get the smaller my circle is and I like it like that.

SillyJilly2020 · 12/12/2025 22:49

Anonanonanonagain · 12/12/2025 21:45

I mostly feel like I fit in where I am and I am autistic so the question of someone being ND actually pisses me right off to be honest.

If this was about what I said I didnt mean anything by it. Was purely my experince

minipie · 12/12/2025 23:04

I’m an odd mixture in that I feel like I fit in, I think I act broadly like everyone else. I don’t feel uncomfortable in social situations or exhausted by them, I quite enjoy them (well ok not networking events, but who does!). But nonetheless, I appear to be less “popular” than most women I know - have fewer friends, less likely to be invited to stuff etc.

Mistyglade · 12/12/2025 23:20

I’ve always been a bit of a lone wolf socially. I’ve tried to fit in but as soon as the small talk kicks in I just want to go home.

LeonMccogh · 12/12/2025 23:27

Mostly yes, I’m an extrovert but also fairly quiet and not especially charismatic, which means I can blend in in most situations and find someone/s to gravitate towards and chat to.

RecordBreakers · 12/12/2025 23:36

LeonMccogh · 12/12/2025 23:27

Mostly yes, I’m an extrovert but also fairly quiet and not especially charismatic, which means I can blend in in most situations and find someone/s to gravitate towards and chat to.

Yes, this is like me too.

I'm not the 'centre of attention' sort of a person. I don't demand we all do this or that and expect people to follow me, but I can chat easily with most people and am happy to spend time with people I've not met before, or people I see regularly but perhaps don't know that well, or people I've been friends with for decades.

Freesiapleaser · 12/12/2025 23:42

No I don't fit in. People tend to love bomb and then ghost me. (Most especially when I'm not useful anymore) It's clearly a me thing. I can't read social situations very well and I'm lonely. I try very hard. I love people and I'm very caring. It's just not returned.

EmeraldRoulette · 12/12/2025 23:45

@Freesiapleaser I don't think that's a you thing about being loved bombed and ghosted.

I may have just been fortunate in the past, but this particular topic has come up in conversation recently and I think there's a lot of it going on now. The group who are discussing it found it very recognisable

I think it's something to do with people viewing friendships in a similar way to dating now.

junebirthdaygirl · 13/12/2025 00:17

I struggled to fit in at college after a pretty successful school experience. I had friends but underneath felt a bit insecure always.. This lasted into my 30s although l made friends in my workplace etc. But as l got older l began to not care anymore. I stopped thinking about it and just decided to let people take me as l am. Suddenly l had lots of friends. I took up a new hobby in my 50s and get on so well with lots of folk. For me the secret was not caring any more. I don't need a best friend. I just enjoy people's company and very rarely analyse stuff any more.
Another thing was l was quiet and sort of agreeable l l seemed to attract the bossy type. Now l actively dodge those types so getting to know myself helped.

Enko · 13/12/2025 00:30

Ds age 22 does. Ive had this conversation with him. He said he has just never been anywhwere he didnt feel like he was a part of the people.

Should be addded he is 24 and an extrovert and one of those people who can get anyone to talk and laugh.

He meets people he doesnt like or dont get on with. Just he always find a wider crowd he does get on with in the same place.

I suspect my stepdad is like that too. Not ever had that conversation but the guy knows everyone. His name is mentionned and people are all. Ohh yes I know F.. them insert random story. Oddly stepdad is a quiet fairly unassuming man. And while not a social butterfly like ds he likes his own time he is extroverted in many ways.

I am also a extrovert but i have often felt like I dont belong. I was badly bullied in school and I would say for me I more often feel not a part of the crown than a part off.

Original poster

IAmNotSureAboutYouNow · 13/12/2025 21:30

@minipie

I’m an odd mixture in that I feel like I fit in, I think I act broadly like everyone else. I don’t feel uncomfortable in social situations or exhausted by them, I quite enjoy them (well ok not networking events, but who does!). But nonetheless, I appear to be less “popular” than most women I know - have fewer friends, less likely to be invited to stuff etc

I feel like this too!

OP posts:

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 13/12/2025 23:34

I don't feel like I fit in, but I also don't care whether I fit in. I used to, up until my mid 30s, but something just clicked one day and it stopped mattering.

It's very freeing, I just enjoy myself in company now without worrying what other people think or whether they like me, or whether I fit the group. Im just myself, and people can either like me or lump me.

Pryceosh1987 · 14/12/2025 02:29

Its good to be different. the beauty of friendships and conversations with others is a different opinion and train of thought.

canuckup · 14/12/2025 02:59

The trick is to ask people questions about themselves and appear interested

That's basically making friends

patooties · 14/12/2025 03:00

Yes. Always.