Found testosterone test in bin?

testotest · 2025-12-12T20:05:12+00:00

NC for this as it could be highly embarrassing for DP and myself. little backstory myself 34 & DP 37 have been together 3.5 years we had an amazing first 2.5 years but last year the intimacy really dropped off seemingly in the space of a couple of weeks, we used to both have high drives & he has never really acknowledged that it was him/his drive that had dropped off. We used to DTD every time we saw each other 4-5 times a week, now it’s once every 2-3 weeks and almost always initiated by me. He’s still affectionate, and when we do DTD he is able to maintain and finish as he used to. Now we’ve had conversations about how for me I need more intimacy and trying to understand if there’s anything else going on, there’s never been any blame game and I’m very delicate in the way I approach it. He’s always 100% stood by nothings wrong, he’s just been working a lot so tired etc & said if ever there is a change he’d talk to me about it. Yesterday I went to his house & as I was arriving before he was home I let myself in as normal and made a cup of tea. When I put the tea bag in the bin the top item was a box, very clearly labelled testosterone blood test kit. Now although I fully understand this is a private matter and he may be embarrassed I don’t know what to do with the fact I’ve seen it, and that he probably wont bring it up now so I’m just going to be left wondering if there is an issue, or if he’s taking medication etc? What do I do in this situation?

MarginWalker · 12/12/2025 20:12

I’d bring it up. You weren’t snooping and his testosterone levels concern you. I would have a nonjudgmental, open conversation.

Whatsthatsheila · 12/12/2025 20:15

so he’s probably ordered a kit to send off cos he’s worried about why his sex drive has fell through the floor?

HoneyParsnipSoup · 12/12/2025 20:15

Don’t bring it up. He’s done nothing wrong, it’s not like it’s an empty condom box or an STI test. It looks like he’s appropriately investigating what may be behind his decline in sex drive and I imagine if it produced a sub par result he would then look into treatment. Let him get on with it in private for now.

I’ve taken home tests for things I didn’t want DH to know about and would’ve been mortified if he had brought them up (again nothing suspicious just embarrassing)

Original poster

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:18

ok a few different options so far which probably is why I’m confused on what to do. Ok let’s say I say nothing, 6 months down the line from now sex drive is still low and nothings been said? Then what? I can’t really then say “oh what were your results” or can I?

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LoveItaly · 12/12/2025 20:25

I think it’s a real invasion of privacy to look at other people’s rubbish in the bin, having had it happen to me. So on that basis I don’t think you should mention it.

Whatsthatsheila · 12/12/2025 20:30

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:18

ok a few different options so far which probably is why I’m confused on what to do. Ok let’s say I say nothing, 6 months down the line from now sex drive is still low and nothings been said? Then what? I can’t really then say “oh what were your results” or can I?

Hmm I see your point. When was the last time you discussed your sex life? Could you bring it up (not literally) again soon without it being too soon since the last time whilst the test is recent and see if it prompts him into opening up Or if you feel comfortable (like he’s not all defensive ) you could ask if there is anything he wants to talk about or even just say right out “look I saw this in the bin i just wondered if there’s anything you want to talk about in there something wrong that I can support you with?”

Radiatorvalves · 12/12/2025 20:31

If his drive has suddenly dropped I think a testosterone test is pretty usual. DH had that.

As part of your ongoing conversation with him you could gently enquire what he’s doing and has he considered a test… btw DH had a normal result, but hasnt felt like DTD for ages… other issues at play. And he’s a lot older.

Whatsthatsheila · 12/12/2025 20:32

LoveItaly · 12/12/2025 20:25

I think it’s a real invasion of privacy to look at other people’s rubbish in the bin, having had it happen to me. So on that basis I don’t think you should mention it.

It’s not like she went purposely looking tbf

It was right there on top when she opened the bin to get rid of a teabag

LoveItaly · 12/12/2025 20:34

Whatsthatsheila · 12/12/2025 20:32

It’s not like she went purposely looking tbf

It was right there on top when she opened the bin to get rid of a teabag

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I know, but we should be able to throw stuff away without it being commented on. Maybe it’s just me, but I had my rubbish gone through as a teenager and it bothered me enormously.

RainbowRoo · 12/12/2025 20:34

he might have an epiphany at 2am, remember he put it in the bin, it was on top, and if you made tea like you always do, might click you may have seen it and bring it up with you?

dairydebris · 12/12/2025 20:34

Id assume he's trying to sort the low drive issue in his own way and I wouldn't bring up the test ever. If and when he wants to discuss it with you he will. Until then, its his private medical issue.
I think do try to discuss the low drive in a non accusatory way- its important to you after all.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 12/12/2025 20:38

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:18

ok a few different options so far which probably is why I’m confused on what to do. Ok let’s say I say nothing, 6 months down the line from now sex drive is still low and nothings been said? Then what? I can’t really then say “oh what were your results” or can I?

Six months down the line you say "Look, it's been a while now that intimacy has dropped off and I really miss it. What can we do about it?"

Original poster

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:44

LoveItaly · 12/12/2025 20:25

I think it’s a real invasion of privacy to look at other people’s rubbish in the bin, having had it happen to me. So on that basis I don’t think you should mention it.

As someone else said you must of missed the point that it was at the top of the bin, he gave me a key to his house years ago and I regularly make tea.. it’s hardly an invasion of privacy to open the bin.

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cocog · 12/12/2025 20:44

Is he on steroids?

HoneyParsnipSoup · 12/12/2025 20:45

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:18

ok a few different options so far which probably is why I’m confused on what to do. Ok let’s say I say nothing, 6 months down the line from now sex drive is still low and nothings been said? Then what? I can’t really then say “oh what were your results” or can I?

If there’s been no improvement in 6 months I would mention it then but at the moment it seems he’s actively investigating it, so I would leave things be. It may be that he finds the cause and treats it without ever needing to have that embarrassing conversation. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you don’t deserve privacy, which is different from secrecy.

Original poster

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:45

Whatsthatsheila · 12/12/2025 20:30

Hmm I see your point. When was the last time you discussed your sex life? Could you bring it up (not literally) again soon without it being too soon since the last time whilst the test is recent and see if it prompts him into opening up Or if you feel comfortable (like he’s not all defensive ) you could ask if there is anything he wants to talk about or even just say right out “look I saw this in the bin i just wondered if there’s anything you want to talk about in there something wrong that I can support you with?”

Show quote history

so we spoke about it last a couple of weeks ago, I could bring it up again but probably not just yet & knowing how it’s gone before he just will carry on with the same narrative that there’s no issue. I do think I’m gunna have to tread carefully here, but that’s a good idea about if he says nothing to ask if there’s something I can support with!

OP posts:

Original poster

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:46

cocog · 12/12/2025 20:44

Is he on steroids?

I truly hope not, I have actually asked this because he got into the gym this summer & has been doing this plan which he’s taking very seriously 😬 I’ve never been with someone on steroids so don’t know if I’d notice the symptoms

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Original poster

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:47

RainbowRoo · 12/12/2025 20:34

he might have an epiphany at 2am, remember he put it in the bin, it was on top, and if you made tea like you always do, might click you may have seen it and bring it up with you?

Yeah he could do or when he next went in the bin, but he’s just not the type to bring any conversation up (apart from mundane things) I always have to initiate anything else so I’d be shocked if he did

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sprigatito · 12/12/2025 20:48

I think you should tell him that you saw it in the bin - unintentionally - and decided it was better to let him know that you’d seen it and that if he wants to talk about it, you’re available. Men can get really paralysed and shamed by ED and low T and performance issues, it may be really helpful to remind him that you’re someone he can share vulnerabilities with.

Original poster

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:49

HoneyParsnipSoup · 12/12/2025 20:45

If there’s been no improvement in 6 months I would mention it then but at the moment it seems he’s actively investigating it, so I would leave things be. It may be that he finds the cause and treats it without ever needing to have that embarrassing conversation. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you don’t deserve privacy, which is different from secrecy.

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This is a fair point, and if there’s an improvement then I wouldn’t feel the need to ask. For me it’s now knowing that he has done a test which means he knows there’s an issue in his side, but he says there isn’t so I feel like I’m not getting the full story. Which makes it hard for me going forward as at 34 I’m not going to live a sexless life

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Whatsthatsheila · 12/12/2025 22:32

testotest · 12/12/2025 20:45

so we spoke about it last a couple of weeks ago, I could bring it up again but probably not just yet & knowing how it’s gone before he just will carry on with the same narrative that there’s no issue. I do think I’m gunna have to tread carefully here, but that’s a good idea about if he says nothing to ask if there’s something I can support with!

Show quote history

Honestly in your situation i personally would just bring it up - this is a big thing for you because this is potentially a deal breaker.

perhaps just a blunt - “I saw this yesterday - I don’t think you meant for me to see it but I do need to ask what it is” - softened by “can we talk about it? is there something you need to tell me that I can helps you with?”

jackdunnock · 13/12/2025 00:32

Don't say anything about the test. He will mention it to you if he wants to (quite likely not until he has the results, as there's simply not much to say before he knows what they are). If the results come back normal, then he may not mention it at all. If it's low then perhaps he's more likely to say something, and maybe he'll choose to medicate for it as well. If you want to prompt it raise his lack of linido again in a couple of weeks. That gives him an easy opportunity to tell you about his test results.

Seaoftroubles · 13/12/2025 08:18

He sounds like he's trying to solve the problem so let things be and wait for a bit. You will soon know if things improve. If there's no change you can talk about it further and see if he opens up about it. That's the point to ask if he's seen his GP etc.