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Original poster

Lost friendship

26 replies

Vickerygood · 12/12/2025 18:22

Years ago I blocked a friend on WhatsApp and Facebook as they said something in person which was very hurtful in person and a patronising tone. It affected my mental health. I unblocked them a while back and I am not blocked on WhatsApp but blocked on Facebook. I wish I had told her at the time how hurtful she was as she probably didn’t realise what she had done and it ate away at me. Is it worth trying to contact her or move ok?

OP posts:
1983Louise · 12/12/2025 18:25

I'd leave it

WorriedRose87 · 12/12/2025 18:38

Did she ever try to reach out to you?

Original poster
Vickerygood · 12/12/2025 18:41

WorriedRose87 · 12/12/2025 18:38

Did she ever try to reach out to you?

The incident happened a few days before my birthday and she sent a birthday and Christmas card as my birthday and Christmas is close together. There was no mention in the card about being blocked. She avoided mentioning it.

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 12/12/2025 18:45

What year was this? You don't say (or I missed it).

Too long ago? Let sleeping dogs lie.

OR. Reach out to her, you may be surprised.

Life is stressful now. We are all feeling it.

Original poster
Vickerygood · 12/12/2025 18:48

suburberphobe · 12/12/2025 18:45

What year was this? You don't say (or I missed it).

Too long ago? Let sleeping dogs lie.

OR. Reach out to her, you may be surprised.

Life is stressful now. We are all feeling it.

It was end of 2019. I know it was a while ago. She never blocked me on WhatsApp so I suspect she would expect me to contact her. It concerns me if I messaged and she didn’t respond or was horrible.

OP posts:
Katykaty11 · 12/12/2025 18:56

That's a long time ago. I would probably leave it.

WeAreNotOk · 13/12/2025 01:30

I had a friend like this. She drank a lot and would call me. It would end up abusive. She crossed the line one night and I blocked her, out of anger. Sometimes I wished I didn't. I miss the friendship.

MadTurkey · 13/12/2025 01:48

This person said one thing to you that was hurtful and patronising, you said nothing at the time, but subsequently blocked her, and six years on, you’ve unblocked her and are wondering whether to contact her to let her know how hurtful it was? Have you never seen her in person since 2019?

dominoeffecting · 13/12/2025 13:21

What are you hoping to achieve by contacting her - giving her clarity and closure or opening up the relationship again? I think you should be prepared to hear the other side as well and how you’re blocking might have affected her emotionally too - as you say she probably doesn’t realise the impact of what she said. Would she even have been able to guess why you disappeared?
I’ve been on the other side of this - I accidentally offended a friend who I cared deeply for, and they ghosted me. At the time of offending her, I was extremely (physically) ill. I literally just said the wrong thing and she didn’t say anything at the time about how it landed.
To say it hurt a great deal is a huge understatement. It’s taken me a long time to work through this and rebuild trust in friendships in general.

dominoeffecting · 13/12/2025 13:25

Ps though in my book time isn’t really a factor - it’s a long life!! So if it’s the time that’s passed making you hesitant that wouldn’t put me off personally.

Enrichetta · 13/12/2025 13:34

The thing that would suggest that contacting her might be a bad idea is your vulnerability, I.e. the likely effect on your mental health if she was to reject you.

Original poster
Vickerygood · 13/12/2025 13:47

MadTurkey · 13/12/2025 01:48

This person said one thing to you that was hurtful and patronising, you said nothing at the time, but subsequently blocked her, and six years on, you’ve unblocked her and are wondering whether to contact her to let her know how hurtful it was? Have you never seen her in person since 2019?

I have not seen her in person since 2019. She worked away a lot and there was lockdown.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vickerygood · 13/12/2025 13:49

dominoeffecting · 13/12/2025 13:21

What are you hoping to achieve by contacting her - giving her clarity and closure or opening up the relationship again? I think you should be prepared to hear the other side as well and how you’re blocking might have affected her emotionally too - as you say she probably doesn’t realise the impact of what she said. Would she even have been able to guess why you disappeared?
I’ve been on the other side of this - I accidentally offended a friend who I cared deeply for, and they ghosted me. At the time of offending her, I was extremely (physically) ill. I literally just said the wrong thing and she didn’t say anything at the time about how it landed.
To say it hurt a great deal is a huge understatement. It’s taken me a long time to work through this and rebuild trust in friendships in general.

I think I wish I could explain what she did and why I responded the way I did. She was a good friend but other times she could be defensive and sarcastic. She was like that with lots of people so it’s difficult knowing where you stand with her.

I know ghosting her wasn’t nice but at the time I had bad mental health and couldn’t handle what she had said.

OP posts:
NotrialNodeal · 13/12/2025 13:53

I would leave it. Things would never be the same I don't think.

Sohelpmegod25 · 13/12/2025 14:09

I had a ex friend like this who was just awful to me, this was earlier this year
there is no way I’d want to be in touch with her after what she said and did not a chance - she knows she’s in the wrong and has unblocked me off wattsapp as I can now see her profile photo - however hell would have to freeze over before I spoke to her again. You don’t need awful unkind people in your life - life is hard enough as it is without added drama.

InBedBy10 · 13/12/2025 14:15

You sound like a walking red flag OP.

She said one thing to upset you and instead of communicating like an adult, you ghosted her. She cant have been that good a friend to you if you threw her away so easily. I really dont like people who hide behind mental health as a reason to treat people like sh*t.

Now 6yrs later you want to contact her to what? Have it out with her? Tell her how horrible she is? Leave her alone.

Original poster
Vickerygood · 13/12/2025 14:23

InBedBy10 · 13/12/2025 14:15

You sound like a walking red flag OP.

She said one thing to upset you and instead of communicating like an adult, you ghosted her. She cant have been that good a friend to you if you threw her away so easily. I really dont like people who hide behind mental health as a reason to treat people like sh*t.

Now 6yrs later you want to contact her to what? Have it out with her? Tell her how horrible she is? Leave her alone.

The thing she said to me was awful. She didn’t think about my mental health and ill health at the time while saying what she said.

I don’t want to have it out with her. I would just explain what happened. I don’t even expect her to respond but at least she would know why as she probably can’t understand what happened.

OP posts:
Squiggles23 · 13/12/2025 14:26

If you want to message her I think that's a nice thing to wish her well and happy Christmas etc.

You've effectively punished her for 6 years so to get in touch now just to finally explain why is ridiculous

calminggreen · 13/12/2025 14:31

Without knowing what she said none of us can really say - you might think what she said was awful she might think it was her being a good friend and a bit of tough love / truth that you could handle at the time

you don’t sound like that great a friend in any event so I’d just leave her be

Dery · 13/12/2025 14:41

“calminggreen · Today 14:31
Without knowing what she said none of us can really say - you might think what she said was awful she might think it was her being a good friend and a bit of tough love / truth that you could handle at the time”

This with bells on. She obviously really hurt your feelings. You felt you needed to block her at the time. She reached out to you a few times (birthday and Xmas card) but you chose not to reciprocate. You’re now living with the consequences of choosing to cut her off and it sounds as if you may have some regret.

If you are thinking you would like to try to resurrect the friendship, then i think it’s fair enough to get back in touch but be aware she may have no interest in your friendship. It does sound like you were quick to throw her away but sometimes people fo things we can’t handle (just as we likely do to them).

However, if you just want to say your piece and cut her off again, then just leave her alone. The time to explain was back in 2019. You’ve punished her by cutting her off. You don’t get to have another go at her 6 years later.

Isayitasitis · 13/12/2025 14:44

I had to let a bad friendship go in Jan 2020. The difference is I did tell her because she angered me that much and took advantage of my good nature.

We were good friends for a long time... until she wasn't.

I don't need to go into what happened but I have missed her over the years at times. She really wasn't a good friend in the end but that doesn't mean I've automatically forgotten the memories of better times.

The conversation that I've had with myself is that while I miss her at times, I miss the good friend version of her. But ultimately she was selfish and immature and I know for a fact she hasn't changed. She doesn't know how to. She expected me always to be there and take her manipulation.

So I've made peace with my decision. It is such a long time and no point rehashing the past up.

Have you had difficulty making friends since?

That old saying does apply sometimes. Let sleeping dogs lie.

FeistyFrankie · 13/12/2025 16:14

Vickerygood · 13/12/2025 13:49

I think I wish I could explain what she did and why I responded the way I did. She was a good friend but other times she could be defensive and sarcastic. She was like that with lots of people so it’s difficult knowing where you stand with her.

I know ghosting her wasn’t nice but at the time I had bad mental health and couldn’t handle what she had said.

Show quote history

I think there's nothing wrong with a short apology explaining why you reacted the way you did. Just don't have any expectations about restarting the friendship.

I think most of us would appreciate an apology from someone who ghosted us, if for nothing else, than for closure.

Mary46 · 13/12/2025 16:38

Once trust goes Im not sure.. in my case she said sorry. Texts were desperate. I dont know are friendships ever same. Think I leave it op.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 13/12/2025 16:45

Why does it matter to you so much that she understands your actions of 6+ years ago? If she was that bothered by being blocked, she could have presumably contacted you somehow and asked or apologised. Don't kid yourself that you're doing it for her. Be clear with yourself what you are looking for.

ThatCyanCat · 13/12/2025 17:00

You blocked and ghosted her for your benefit and now you're thinking of barging unexpectedly back in on her at Christmas for your benefit. Contact, no contact, it's all unilaterally decided by you.

I think you should leave her alone but if you really must drop in, ask her if she'd like to talk to you before you burden or unload on her. She may have stuff she wants to say too and it doesn't sound as though you understand or appreciate that if you open this, it needs to be two way communication and you will need to switch from transmit to receive.

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