Ex’s disturbing jokes towards me

[Meowyy]

Separated now from ex and doing a “post mortem” of our relationship. When we first met he was known as a wacky off the wall character, a bit weird with an eccentric sense of humour. Early on he went through a phase of making jokes about harming me, he would do the actions of strangling me or describe holding me under water in the bath and would do this weird blank face then giggle when I said WTF! I put it down to his odd ball sense of humour but it did freak me out at the time and I had a couple of nightmares of him actually harming me. I just put it down to a bad joke or him being immature.

What are everyone’s thoughts? In a relationship I am very forgiving and make excuses for the persons behaviour. Looking back it’s unsettling but was it more immaturity and childish behaviour?

Yeah girl your red flag alarm is broken, the first time he mimed strangling you or drowning you should've been the last time he ever saw you.

Top tip for your next relationship - if your significant other is giving you literal nightmares, that is not a relationship to stay in.

That's not humour OP.

That is him signalling what he would like to do to you. He is a very dangerous man.

Maybe to learn and grow from past experiences? To try and learn from our mistakes?

Those weren't jokes.

That was his misogyny seeping out from his core, visible through the cracks, as he could barely contain it and the hatred or resentment he fantasies about wreaking on you.

Either he was having difficulties keeping it under wraps, or these comments were a calculated attempt to push boundaries, seeing exactly what he could get away with revealing under te guide of a 'joke' or 'humour'. Strangulation is the main cause of death I believe in the death of women at the hands (literally) or men.

You had a lucky escape.

Many a true word spoken in jest.

LTB before its too late as he may be masking his true intentions.

He sounds like his mind is twisted and warped and he is struggling to communicate normally.

Yep he was testing your boundaries. My ex started 'playfighting' me, it was very onesided and definitely not normal.

Stop your "post mortem" of your relationship immediately. Fucking end it and block. This guy is abusive and sadistic passing off murder threats as a joke and has the potential to harm you. That you continued the relationship after that early on means you have no boundaries and need to do the Freedom Program to recognize high risk behaviour.

He showed you from the start he was an abusive threatening twat and you completely ignored the massive red flags and chose to label him quirky rather than total cunt.

Being forgiving and making excuses in a relationship is a recipe fkr disaster and makes you an easy target for nasty abusive pieces of shit like this one.

Maybe look at therapy to understand why you let people treat uou like this.

And agree with PP - stop giving him headspace. A cunt is a cunt because that’s who he is. Stop trying to understand him because there’s nothing to understand any deeper than that.

Maybe there are women who would find that funny. I don’t know any.

No one has to put up with what other people pass off as humour. If it doesn’t make you laugh they need to stop doing it. If they don’t they are making you the joke.

Surely to be forgiving you have to have received a full and sincere apology. Without that you are just putting up with crap

Good God, you need to ask?

Red flag central. Idhave been off immediately.
Why did you break up in the end?

He was testing you. You’re well rid.

That’s not an offbeat sense of humour, OP. That’s vile. No decent guy jokes about strangling or drowning his partner. You know that phrase: “men worry women will laugh at them; women worry men will kill them”? This man was joking about killing you. I’m very glad he’s an ex. Those jokes were a massive red flag.

Don’t be very forgiving in relationships. Don’t put up with nasty shit. Love between adults should be conditional. If someone treats you badly, they don’t deserve your love and you should take it back.

That's not humour and you don't value your safety or yourself.

I'd recommend seeing a sensory motor therapist. Look after yourself and stay well away, block etc.

The men who mask abuse as jokes are very dangerous.

Reminds me of this recent post; the poster believing her abuser was just joking:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5430500-would-it-be-crazy-to-leave-a-new-marriage-over-this?page=1