Being made a scapegoat

[Forrestero]

How do you protect yourself when someone has tried to make you a scapegoat for all the drama they have caused? One friend is standing by them because they are lonely and don’t want to lose a ‘friend’ even though they caused drama. I’m not used to people talking about other people in the social circle when they are not around which is what these 2 did.

I feel the two of them are negative and don’t want the hassle. I don’t have this problem with other friendships I have. I just don’t understand why people behave like this, it’s really upset me.

What was the drama and how have they made it your fault? Difficult to understand without a summary at least

The person who lied kept saying bad things about my friend and others and yet they have placed all the blame on me. I can’t be associating with toxic people like that.

Did you say the things?

No they did but they are a convincing person and have used triangulation to segregate my friend. They have done this before to other people, it’s a pattern.

Did you stand up for yourself? Did you tell them to stop gossiping while in your presence?

The only (frustrating) way is to disengage and give them nothing to push against.

it’s very easy to try and defend yourself but it also doesn’t make any difference and often causes you more pain and often embarrassment after losing your cool.

trust me I’ve been there and it will only make you feel worse when they step up the spite rather than admit they are wrong

I guess it depends if people actually believe you said these things / care about it. From experience it’s sometimes for the best to just walk away. I know it’s hard. You’ll want to defend yourself for sure. But it can end up making everything worse. I’d be tempted to step back and if someone challenges you over something you haven’t said you can just tell them who did say those things. Otherwise let time pass and it’ll hopefully blow over.