I'll try and keep it brief, 10 year relationship and 3 children later and I'm so over it! I've just had two children very close together and diagnosed PPD after second which never addressed until the birth of 3rd. I've been getting various treatment which are slowly turning my life around. I think I've had depression for a while but couldn't admit it. I do see the impact it has had on my relationship and while I thought we were on the same page about me doing so much better,, partner thinks every discussion or disagreement is due to PPD, or Pregnancy or PMS.. Or something other than himself being a bit of an arrogant prick... So I'll just give a few examples of what's been happening, these are ongoing...
Financial: We've a joint account, I'm on Mat and do just transfer straight to the joint but I do spend what I need from the joint. Which seems to be a problem for Partner. It rears up every couple of months. I'm frugal and love preloved where I can but somethings can't be helped. With three kids, we need more lounge space, clothes, shoes. Then there's the issue we had for almost 3 years on getting curtains for our home instead of the flimsy blinds. Why? I wanted to insulate more in the winter, and help with outside noise. Every purchase is questioned like this.
Parenting : We had a very serious break where we had to reavaluate our parenting skills. We weren't happy each other and then would pull each other up infront of the kid then it made it about us... Anyway I had to stop it which it did like we had to work on it but it's creeping back. Well actually sometimes i think his attitude is a bit off with our eldest and I can't help but just ask him to stop.. He will go off on one, blaming me, saying I should keep quiet, now it's a big deal because I even said it... I have started shutting down and walking away because he won't give up.
Some further things to note is he will mention how he makes the money and I spend it... I did go back to work after 1st and second but now taking a full year if not longer due to PPD mainly.
Disagrees with my need for more childcare for second child because at the moment I'm struggling to give her the exersice, attention etc she needs.
Once told me while I was deep cleaning one weekend that I should do this during the week so I can spend the weekend with him the girls...
This shouldn't be the last thing to add but I do address this and we speak about it mostly but unless I do something drastic like remove him from the home, he calls me crazy
.. However when we did break he said he doesn't realise it and he's not thibking.. He generally has a good heart and when it comes down to it, he does give us everything but it's the times he feels bitter about the workload and won't be honest with me and tell me.. I can't stand it. I've asked for couples therapy, I've asked him to speak to someone, I've explained in every way I can I only want the best life and parents for our kids, that I'm not here for the money or to scrounge around and not work, that I don't have as much time as he thinks with mostly two children at home, school and nursery runs, cleaning, Christmas, appointments, potty training, teething, first meal of the day at 5pm, not being able to keep myself groomed and self care is so important to me. But my family comes first and he's not making any time for me to do anything really or just have me time. He loves the kids that's obvious to anyone and he also loves himself! So he prioritises accordingly.