Dating advice for single dad

[OneLimeDuck]

So I have two beautiful daughters aged 10 and 8. My wife died 6 years ago. Obviously since then my whole world has been my DDs, not that I would ever deny the help and total support I have had from my wife's parents.
Recently I have been getting friendly with a woman at work. There are clear signs that she wants to explore going beyond friendly work colleagues.
I am all too aware that any relationship I started would not just be about me but also my DDs.
I honestly don't know what to do, how would I approach things with them?
Maybe I am being a little selfish and should just accept that whilst my DDs are so young then they are all I should be focusing on.

I don't think you need to tell your DDs anything. You go out on dates and don't introduce them to her.

So many people introduce their "new" date too soon. Only when you think it is serious would it be best to meet. Maybe the time you to introduce them they will be teenagers and that's another hurdle to look forward to!

In the mentioned you can tell them you're seeing a friend if they ask who "Just a friend her name is ...."

Every family is so different, but as long as you take it slowly don't introduce too soon I'm sure it will be fine.

And no you're not being selfish. You deserve life too.

Has the woman you're interested in have kids?

It's not selfish-it's not like you're cheating, or abandoning your wife. It's awful for you, and of course your whole family, to lose your spouse. It is quite natural to want a partner. Eventually your girls will grow up, and move out probably with partners of their own, and knowing their dad is happy will be important to them.
Obviously it is harder to date with kids, and you need to take a lot of time to be sure a woman is a good person before you introduce her to the kids, but there's no rush for that. You can date without introducing her for quite a long time,

Don't tell the girls, it might not go anywhere. If you think it won't cause work problems, date her otherwise date someone from another circle.
Don't bing a new date around your children like on family eventss until it's been 6+ months of dating and then introduce as a friend.

There's no harm at all in dating whilst your girls are spending time with their grandparents. You deserve to have a life of your own too so enjoy going on some dates and exploring the connection, you are both single after all. Obviously do not introduce her to your daughters until you are sure this is going to be a serious relationship and that you see a future with her.

Its fine to date but from bitter experience, I would not date anyone from work. If things dont work out it can be hell!!

Don’t feel guilty about dating. Go slowly and take it a week at a time.
if it works out, she could be a very positive addition to your family unit.
I’m widowed and dating, just 4 months into a relationship, but my DCs are very positive about me dating. The thing I’ve learned is not to force anything, just let things develop over time and gently introduce your partner - I’m doing this right now. (Although my DCs are 17 and 20 so a bit older ).
Good luck OP. You deserve to be happy!

You’re allowed to love again. It doesn’t mean you don’t still love your wife. She would want you and your DDs to be happy.

There’s no need to unsettle them though. Date for a while. See how it goes. See her while they’re with their grandparents.

I’m divorced rather than widowed, but still waited a year before introducing my DC to DP - then a very sloooooooooow ‘getting to know you’. I was protecting them, but TBH, it was also nice to just be ‘me’ not ‘mum’ while dating.

Have fun!

As pps say, it’s fine to date, but keep it from your children completely until you are confident it’s a long term thing (I’d say minimum 6-12 months). Keep it relaxed and try to be sensible about your decisions as you go.

Provided you are slow about any introductions to the children, the bigger issue is it is someone from work...

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.
As regards work, we work for a large company and do not directly work together.
She has never married and has no children of her own but does have a nephew and niece who she occasionally looks after, sometimes for entire weekends.
I obviously wouldn't introduce her to my daughters until I knew the relationship was serious though any of you thinking I can fob off any dates by saying seeing a friend has obviously not met my 10 year old 😀
I suppose my wife's mother expresses things best in that you can't let your kids have total control of your life.
I am going to talk to the lady and be open and honest with her about my feelings and concerns.
Thank you all again.

I'm also widowed and I'm happy you're dating again after such a dreadful time. I hope you and the OP find much deserved happiness going forward x

As people kindly gave me advice I thought it only polite to provide an update.
I had lunch with the lady in question in the works canteen (who says romance is dead). We had a really good conversation and are absolutely clear where we stand.
The upshot is that MIL is looking after DDs on Saturday afternoon and early evening whilst I go on a date.
I am now panicking about the date, obviously haven't been on one for a long long time, haven't had a first date since the first date I had with my wife.

Thank you for the update, I'm happy for you!
I'm sure she will be understanding of any nerves as she's not a total stranger or blind date. Hope you have a great time!

That's lovely! Just be yourself and if she's right for you it will flow. Good luck and enjoy.