I would just like to have 'normal' sex

[honeybee101]

My dp and I have been together for four years. We have two young children together.

Our sex life has always been really good, but we never just have normal sex and by that I mean we don't just get into bed and have sex with each other. Its like a planned operation that is now becoming more and more extreme.

If we are going to have sex I can't just be naked (admittedly its not a pretty sight) but I always have to wear 'an outfit' ie a corset, or something PVC . I basically have more filth than I do clothes.

Lately its becoming more extreme. My partner has bought me a riding crop (yes that's right) and is constantly going on about anal sex and wanting to have it.

While I do enjoy some of the games that we play. It would be nice not to have to perform all the time.

What's wrong with a bit of missionary occasionally. And if I don't go along with it. Does that mean he is going to get bored and go looking elsewhere (he's never said that by the way).

I just would like to (god I hate saying) it 'make love' occasionally and not just fuck!

This is serious by the way I'm not taking the piss. Would like some honest advice.

Hi,

I think the various replies have given you much food for thought.

Loved to be loved is a problem in itself. Did your ex make you that way primarily or was that need there before?. You need to address that through a counsellor. Marriage in itself will not make you secure, only you can make your own self secure by loving your own self enough.

I thought he was of the opinion that children are more of a commitment rather than the marriage itself. Did you think that your own self would be enough to make him change his mind re marriage?. Given his previous divorce, not least his sister's and parents' marriages crumble that thought may have been a triumph of hope over experience. You may never be able to change his entrenched views on marriage.

Would you be willing to have counselling, you came out of one abusive marriage and you are now in a relationship that has power and control struggles (he wanting you to dress up all the time in sex is a power and control issue. He wants you to take part in something you have deep misgivings over even though you enjoy dressing up sometimes. His attitude re sex and intimacy is not healthy. He could very well be afraid of actual proper intimacy.

My ex-h just did such terrible things. He raped me several times and forced me to have an abortion.

I know I have very little self confidence - while being domineering makes me feel confident. I would just like a bit of the norm once in a while.