Argument or fundamental incompatibility? Looking for outside perspective.

[LostAlice]

My partner is a professional poker player (nearly 10 years).
We have been dating for 8 months (don't live together yet).
After a rough financial year, he’s rebuilding and currently on UC. He recently accepted a night-shift minimum-wage job but regretted it the same day, saying it was an impulsive decision driven by anxiety and that it would prevent him from playing poker (his main income source).
I encouraged him to keep the job because I value stability and need stable income myself (I have a child and rent obligations). I expressed concern that poker doesn’t seem viable right now. He felt his profession and competence were being dismissed; I felt he wasn’t thinking realistically long-term.
The discussion escalated from the job to broader issues: responsibility, lifestyle, and future compatibility. He became defensive and said having someone in his life can negatively affect his decision-making. We both said our decisions and futures are separate, and since then it feels like the relationship is over, without a clear breakup.
Question:
Does this sound like a communication failure, or a fundamental values mismatch? Is this fixable, or was this inevitable?

You really want someone who gambles for a living for a partner? He’s not paid to play poker is he? He’s playing betting games and it’s his money - or debt of course . Fair enough if you can afford to lose but if you cannot you need a paid job. He doesn’t want a job. I’d say it’s not fixable at all. I suspect he’s addicted to this way of life.

I wouldn't consider someone who gambles for an living to be a long term partner.

Long time ago I knew someone that made good money playing, bad once comfortable he set up his company (also he was 26, no responsibilities).
I might be very naive, he painted great past life style. It is just that now, he is broke.
i also think he gaslights me, one day he wants me to feel sorry for him, and seeks validation (complains that i dont believe in him). When I pointed this out as a reason to try and keep this job, he claimed that he was doing well.

But I see, its is not viable long term.

having someone in his life can negatively affect his decision-making.
Say what now! He thinks you are a negative rather than a positive in his life?
Never mind the 'argument versus incompatibility' question, why would you want someone with this attitude.

He needs to now be your ex partner. All this crap already at a mere 8 months in as well. And if he says that having someone in his life is a negative then I would take him at his word and go my separate way. He is not your Mr Right at all here.

If you are in a relationship with someone, your financial position is going to affect both of you, whether you live together or not. If he's broke, that affects what you can do together as a couple - you will end up paying for dates and holidays unless you want to stay home all the time! He doesn't sound like a viable partner long term to me.

Married for ages, DH has never once asked me to “believe in him”. He either does the right thing or doesn’t. Always suspicious of anyone asking me to believe in them, usually code for “shut up and let me do this stupid thing”.

Get rid, he’ll be unstable and you’ll end up subbing him while he plays cards.

Tell Walter Mitty to get his coat.

What did I just read?????

I am willing to accept that there are some roles and people which represent professional gambling - traders, etc. The big difference is that they’re not covering their arse with universal credit! FFS he’s broke, can’t hold down a job, can only get a min wage job and thinks you drag him down.

What on earth is he bringing to the table? Woman, raise your standards from the incredible low that they are now!

Victoria Coren-Mitchell has made lots of money playing poker. She does other work too though!

Gambling is an addiction, you will never come first and any stable job won’t deliver the adrenalin rush he craves.

Mismatch 💯

That’s my view too. I did a double take when I read “his main income source”. He is not earning his keep and he is a gambling addict.

There is no room for you in that relationship. Get out before it gets worse because he’ll never make you happy or feel safe.

Good lord, run for the hills!!

Surely no one can be this desperate for companionship.

I needed this!

He would argue just that, but how many make a living this way? Also its not that, its the fact that he himself said he needed to find a job to replenish his bankroll.
Now I am bad, for bringing that up.

If poker was his main income source, he wouldn’t need UC.

He isn’t a professional anything, he is a gambling addict.

@LostAlice I didn’t mean to imply his “lifestyle” is a good idea, far from it. 🥾

I know someone who was genuinely a professional poker player. (Think 1st in Cambridge maths as his background.)

He had backers who would cover 100% of any losses in return for 50% of the profits he made. He also travelled around the world competing in tournaments and had a (very high) world ranking. He was on the telly. And casinos would pay him to come and play and put him on posters and people would go there either with the aim of playing him or watching him play.

He didn’t just play poker online.

His aim was to become world champion. ( He didn’t make it and I suspect he won’t now as too old.)

A professional poker player on UC ? Oh please, its hardly the stuff of James Bond casino glamour is it?

If you need stability for yourself and your child I'd cut your losses as he's kidding himself on; and by the sounds of things has no intention of getting a stable job.

😂🙃

Victoria Coren Mitchell was poker European champion at 33 and won $1 million. That’s something special but not sure she needed to live on the money.

I am pretty outraged that the taxpayer is funding this layabout.