What expectations should I have from dh when sick

[Fluffymuffin]

I am rarely ill same for dh. I got the flu recently, couldn’t get out of bed and was really really unwell during October half term. That came and went and dc 12 yo then had to go to school. We live rurally, an hour from school with no public transport. I would dose myself up get in the car in my pjs drive drop dc and come straight home but it wasn’t safe, I felt like I couldn’t drive properly. My dh just said he’s sure I’ll be fine when I said this. He did do all afternoon pickups.

after two more weeks I was no better. I was getting worse so I rang school and said dc was sick so I didn’t have to drive to school.
I feel like dh should have taken some time off work to take dc in as he had lots of annual leave left, he’s now saying I didn’t ask. I did say I shouldn’t be driving like this, then after I pulled dc out of school I feel like it’s obvious he should have offered. Did I deal with this badly?
I’m better now and all is back to normal but I’m really pissed off about it. I’m a sahm so feel like although usually it all falls to me I never get a break even when really sick.

I can't imagine choosing to call my child in sick instead of just asking my husband to take some leave. Yes he should have offered but when it was clear he didn't you should have spoke up, instead of punishing your child

Why didn’t you ask him?

i didn’t ask. I said i need help I don’t think it’s safe to drive. I should have outright asked, don’t know why I didn’t. Suppose I assumed he must be really busy at work to not offer. That’s why I’m posting. I think I did handle it badly.

There is some weird stuff going on in your house! Your ds not going to school is just not on. Why didn’t your dh know? Why couldn’t you call a cab? Why couldn’t he cycle? Are you a sahm to 1 12yo? So many questions because this whole thing is very unusual.

You have a 12 year old and are a stay at home mum? Maybe he resents that you have not gone back to work?

Fuck asking, when he didn’t offer you should have told him.

He should have offered to help. He has eyes, we shouldn't have to explain everything to them.

Sounds like poor communication on both sides, but honestly you need a better contingency plan. Why is DS at a school an hour away and can only get there by being driven? Surely if it's that rural that it's the closest option you're eligible for transport. Could he get part way and another parent take him?

Your husband should have a) noticed how ill you were and b) sorted your DS out himself. He needs to do better in future. You shouldn’t have had to ask him to help if you were bedridden with flu - it should have been obvious to him.

I bet he expects you to sort out his family’s birthday and Christmas presents too.

What the fuck did DS think about being kept off school because his dad couldn’t be bothered to get him there?

Dc can’t cycle they have Sen and aren’t able to think at their age level so I don’t tend to let them out alone because they’ll speak to strangers etc without realising any danger, owe also don’t have pavements near our house and live on a narrow country lane with no road lights and atm every morning is also icy.

Dh agreed for me to stay at home to help dc with all their school stuff because they struggle as well as everything else dc related, I’ve only been a sahm for one year I don’t think he’s resentful. We don’t need the money.

Dh wfh he saw everything going on. But he likes to go in his office and not come out until he finishes work and is on the phone every time I go in there. I agree I should have asked but I suppose i just thought he would say he could help and when he didn’t I assumed he must be too busy with work. Now I’m better I’m annoyed. But I do think I handled it badly.

He works from home?

Even with your subsequent info op, your situation is still difficult for anyone to fathom, because, if he works from home, how didn’t he know that your son wasn’t going to school? Don’t any of you talk to each other?

This. Or ask him to go into work later after hed taken dc to school.

You didn’t handle it badly as such, but it could been handled better by being explicit when DH didn’t offer to do the drop off. You were saying one thing (not well enough to drive), but then driving (which gave a mixed message). However, some including my DH, would have just told me to stay in bed and he would sorted out whatever needed to be done without me saying anything.

What you did handle badly was driving and putting other people at risk, although later realised that you were not safe.

He likes to go in his office?

poor guy is working! Not hiding

I'm not sure asking is the right approach either. You need to tell him.

Just announce that he's got to do it because you are too ill and can't.

I think you should just draw a line under it, and if it happens again you say, "I can't take DS to school, I'm too ill, you will have to take him today."

To be fair to you - you weren't well, you were un-well enough that you thought you shouldn't be driving, and I know when I've been that unwell, I wasn't thinking clearly either! You were probably just living 'in the moment' and trying to solve the problem in front of you, without the brain power to think up alternatives. I've certainly been there.