Dropped the rope

[user1486915549]

In January I decided I had had enough of always being the one to initiate catch ups , meeting for coffees etc.
I didn’t actually see my brother very often but would have phone chats every couple of weeks. I would meet my sister , 2 friends and cousin about every 2 weeks ( separately). All are local.
I haven’t seen any of them this year. I now feel really odd and am questioning my whole relationships with them.
was I forcing them to meet ? Did they never like meeting up ?
should I reach out , or just let it lie ?

Have they been in contact at all, Op, or you with them?

No . Not at all
we have never sent Christmas cards so I don’t expect contact from that
Its just the realisation that they NEVER initiated arrangements and I just wondered what would happen if I stopped

So you have all basically ghosted each other?! I'd be disappointed Op 😔

Oh OP. I know it's annoying to always be the one making arrangements (I am like this too) but I think you've bitten off your nose to spite your face here. Surely it's better to initiate than to become lonely and isolated?

Did they stay in touch with each other, or are they all ignoring each other?

Do they have partners and DC, do you?

I'm an organiser too but accept this is generally how I'm seen and I enjoy it. Some people take on this role and others sit back and wait for others to do the legwork. Do you want to see them again? If so, send out an invite for a get together over Christmas and enjoy it!

I did the same OP about 1.5 years ago. I pretty must lost everyone.
It's hurts but I'm very independent and like my own company so it's not too bad.
I really don't understand it. If I haven't spoke to someone I apparently love in a few weeks I start thinking right ill have to drop them a message. Do others not think the same? Happy to never see people again unless the other person is making the effort?
Sod them OP they obviously don't care that much.
I think it is about time I start looking for new friendships but I'm reluctant because everyone seems so flaky these days.

I get this.

Ive been very unwell for 3 years. Db stopped contacting me. Then responded when Dh went round and asked why. Then we remained in contact for a bit ( initiated by me) then l became very unwell again.

Not heard a word since June. No enquiry nothing, even though I’m ill. I’m sick of chasing.

Majes me question everything. I’m with you op

I did this when I was sick of always being the one to make all the effort - travelling to them, phone calls and messages, for around 20 years, all with zero effort from them.
It’s been 5 years and I’ve not heard a thing. Their behaviour was always pretty toxic so it’s been a lovely calm time for me! I do have other relatives who make an effort so it’s not been a loss.
I think ‘out of sight out of mind’ applies here.

I’m fortunate to be the independent type.
I just drop the rope and if I hear from them again, it’s a bonus.
I’ve stopped caring that much.

I have a busy life and hardly think about those I no longer hear from. If they’re meant to be in my life they’ll pop up sooner of later.

I was always the friend who reached out, kept in touch, sent cards and kind messages but I’ve concluded I invested too much.
Not any more.

People get used to someone being the initiator- I’m sure they appreciate you but life hits everyone, they’re all busy and tired as you are. I’d say they miss you but I used to be the one who contacted everyone now I’ve a job that’s killing me and I don’t- I just think that’s probably how they feel and someone has to do it! And I feel better when I do! Get back in contact, see how much you getting in contact means to them, and how better you feel for talking to them-it’s the right month for it.