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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it the end?

5 replies

ThamesmeadHammer · 08/12/2025 19:38

Ok, this has been brewing for an absolute age and now I'm at the end of my marriage.

Been together 31 years, married for 20 years. We both have a child from previous relationships, both children are now mid 30s.

I don't even know where to begin...Our relationship has died, we are not intimate anymore, we live like housemates, or like brother and sister. I feel like we're going through the motions, and we argue over petty things.

DW lost her mum a few years ago, and it affected DW to the extent that she gave up working. MIL had dementia and we slowly saw her fade away, plus the family were never there for us (we moved in with MIL to take care of her) and I supported DW through the most awful of times.

We have committed to a life in Spain, having just moved here with DSS, his wife and their baby. We all live together, and had lived together in the UK due to DDIL suffering from mental health issues after the birth.
My relationship with my DSS is broken beyond repair, I can't bare to be near him, talk to him or have anything to do with him.
He drinks every day, gets all shouty and thinks he's the big man. He talks to people like crap, his wife isn't allowed any privacy, and he sees nothing wrong with his actions.

His mum always tries to protect him, takes his side and has to calm him when he's drunk. I just don't bother getting involved anymore as when I used to, I was always the one in wrong - I despise alcoholics, due to childhood abuse by both my parents.

DIL has an EU passport but they both failed to save any money and thought they could step off the plane and straight into work....We're now funding their life here.

My dream of living in the sun has become a nightmare. I thought moving would reignite our love, sadly I don't want to be here, and I am seriously thinking about spending some time alone to reflect.

I've only scratched the surface, getting this out has gained me some clarity.

OP posts:
confused57 · 09/12/2025 00:10

What does your wife say? And DIL?

Omgblueskys · 09/12/2025 22:46

ThamesmeadHammer · 08/12/2025 19:38

Ok, this has been brewing for an absolute age and now I'm at the end of my marriage.

Been together 31 years, married for 20 years. We both have a child from previous relationships, both children are now mid 30s.

I don't even know where to begin...Our relationship has died, we are not intimate anymore, we live like housemates, or like brother and sister. I feel like we're going through the motions, and we argue over petty things.

DW lost her mum a few years ago, and it affected DW to the extent that she gave up working. MIL had dementia and we slowly saw her fade away, plus the family were never there for us (we moved in with MIL to take care of her) and I supported DW through the most awful of times.

We have committed to a life in Spain, having just moved here with DSS, his wife and their baby. We all live together, and had lived together in the UK due to DDIL suffering from mental health issues after the birth.
My relationship with my DSS is broken beyond repair, I can't bare to be near him, talk to him or have anything to do with him.
He drinks every day, gets all shouty and thinks he's the big man. He talks to people like crap, his wife isn't allowed any privacy, and he sees nothing wrong with his actions.

His mum always tries to protect him, takes his side and has to calm him when he's drunk. I just don't bother getting involved anymore as when I used to, I was always the one in wrong - I despise alcoholics, due to childhood abuse by both my parents.

DIL has an EU passport but they both failed to save any money and thought they could step off the plane and straight into work....We're now funding their life here.

My dream of living in the sun has become a nightmare. I thought moving would reignite our love, sadly I don't want to be here, and I am seriously thinking about spending some time alone to reflect.

I've only scratched the surface, getting this out has gained me some clarity.

Is it possible to a week away, you may need some space to think about the future, could you return home maybe, see friends and other family members

Christmasjummy · 09/12/2025 22:51

Give yourself a week away to reflect and reach a decision and for them to do the same.

ThamesmeadHammer · 10/12/2025 07:46

It's more complicated than I originally posted. It's a multitude of things.
I try to be positive, I often take myself away with dog walking, shopping, etc....

DW will always end up siding with her son and DIL doesn't have anyone else.

I notice more things now, seems I'm more of an outsider.

I'm back in the UK in the New Year for a week, that's enough distance to reflect.

OP posts:
TalulahJP · 10/12/2025 18:21

sounds like it’s over. time to get your ducks in a row as the saying goes. i’d want to consider finances as your wife will likely get half of everything. how would you live. where. lots to think about.

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