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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Scared to take the leap

4 replies

QuaintOtter · 08/12/2025 19:19

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 9 years. I met him when he was going through divorce and I was a single parent bringing up my 2 boys. He was down on women as his ex wife cheated I helped support him and we became close and started the relationship. He was living at his parents and I was in rented accommodation. We decided to move in together. He became very protective of me didn’t like male friends on social media liking my pictures and always wants to know where I’m going he says it’s because he cares so much. He stopped seeing his children even though I encouraged him to fight for them he just seemed only interested in me. I tried talking to him but he always brushed it under the carpet. He gets very defensive it’s hard to talk to him as he gets short with me and I don’t want the conflict I don’t want to upset him. He was amazing support when my dad passed away 5 years ago. Things were great at the beginning. My 2 children boys are teenagers now ages 15 and 18 their own father has nothing to do with the boys. There is now no romance in our relationship the chemistry wore off years ago we are like best friends we get on well and it’s like I depend on him as he wants to do everything for me. He’s been sleeping on the sofa for years (his choice) he says it’s because he gets up early for his job and likes to fall asleep to the tv. I’ve tried talking to him about this and say how can you be happy like this he says he’s happy and it gets brushed under the carpet. I’ve recently experienced a online connection from a guy I was attracted and he was to myself it was only brief as we couldn’t act on it because of our situations so we’ve blocked each other. But I liked it I liked the attention, it’s made me think of my relationship with partner and got me thinking is this really what I want and guilty that I’m thinking like this. We go out for meals and date nights but absolutely no spark our evenings are sat on sofa and he scrolls tik tok. Im at that stage where do I need to tell him the relationship isn’t working and be alone with my sons. We all live together in a shared ownership home my father gave me inheritance and I had to gift my partner the money to get the property as I couldn’t have it in my name because of poor credit. My partner wanted to do this he said it will get us in the property and we can change your name on the deeds etc then. I’ve been asking my partner for years to go to solicitor to get it all put in my name but he doesn’t do it always says he’s too busy at work. I’m obviously scared financially and the house situation but I really need to do something as I’m just not happy in this relationship. I have no support my mum and dad passed and no real friends as I don’t go out and work from home I feel trapped. Any help or advice I’d be so grateful

OP posts:
Loubelou71 · 08/12/2025 20:23

I'm nervous about your house situation....that could be tricky. You do need to separate but you want to secure your home first.

QuaintOtter · 08/12/2025 20:26

Loubelou71 · 08/12/2025 20:23

I'm nervous about your house situation....that could be tricky. You do need to separate but you want to secure your home first.

Yes that’s my main worry I need him to get it put into my name that’s probably the first thing I need to sort before anything

OP posts:
Endofyear · 09/12/2025 00:05

QuaintOtter · 08/12/2025 20:26

Yes that’s my main worry I need him to get it put into my name that’s probably the first thing I need to sort before anything

Sorry OP but I very much doubt he will do this - where's the benefit to him? He knows that if he puts the house in your name, you can kick him out. You were extremely foolish to hand over your inheritance. Get some legal advice asap.

MarginWalker · 09/12/2025 00:11

definitely get legal advice like pp said. This is such a tricky situation and you have to figure out how you can became at least part owner or the house since you paid so much into it.

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