Dating another parent

[PineConePineCone]

I’m a single parent and I would like to start dating again but does this make me a massive hypocrite that I don’t want to date a man that has children? I was speaking to my sister and she said I wouldn’t be able to meet a man without kids now that I have my own and that I would have to accept I will have to meet another parent.
so as a comprise I guess I would consider men with older grown up kids late teens / adults. My own kids are teens and I’m not looking for a father figure for them, I purposely waited until mine were older before I considered dating again as I didn’t want to date with young children. I don’t want to blend families or deal with exes etc and I am totally fine if a man didn’t want to date me as I have children (I’d understand and respect that) so is it a good compromise only considering to date someone with grown up kids?

I think it’s a bit hypocritical, yes. How old are you?

That’s why I’m willing to comprise and date someone with teens + like my own kids.

I think if you’re kids ate teens it’s a perfectly reasonable boundary not to want to date a man with little ones.

My DS is 21 and I wouldn’t date anyone with school age kids. I’ve done my years of revolving life around childcare and school holidays.

Yes exactly like I said I waited until my own kids had grown up so I don’t want to go back to that. I stayed single for a decade because I didn’t want to date and have young children (sounded like a nightmare to me! Don’t know how others do it!)

Nope this is totally reasonable. I set the same boundaries as I refused to inflict blending with other kids on my kids. We’re now a very happy blended family of 4. I meant loads of men without kids and chose the one I wanted. Don’t underestimate how much men NEED a relationship, women have all the power

Not hypocritical at all. Seeing the daily shitshow of blended (or not) families on MN, I’d avoid another parent with a barge pole.

I think it would be terrible if her kids ate teens!

It’s not hypocrisy, it’s just a choice. A perfectly reasonable one. I wouldn’t date a man with kids unless they were grown up, and moved out

Hypocrisy would be if you were upset that a guy wouldn’t date you because you have kids

I didn’t notice the typo at first and was trying to wonder what the issue would be 😂

Older men without children are generally very odd people - good luck. I’d definitely pick someone with older children who has a good relationship with them.

My usual thing is at least kids around the same age as mine which is what my boyfriend has. We don't plan to live together but it does work, we both have older girls who are both a bit more sophisticated than the three younger boys (I have one he has two) who all prone to get in to trouble at school, hard work etc... We can relate really well to each others parenting challenges.

Older men as in how old?

Yes that’s what I think will more likely have things in common if children are similar age

I have youngish kids and dated someone with kids about the same age and it was bloody hard work and I would t want to do it again. I planned to hold off dating and then met my current partner randomly. He has grown up kids while mine are still at primary school but used to be a single parent who has his child full time so he's very understanding and this dynamic seems to work well so far

When I started dating, I only wanted a man with DC. My reasoning was that he would be busy with his own dc some of the time and would understand I need to put my DC first which meant sometimes breaking commitments with him. It’s worked really well plus I didn’t want to have more of my own dc.

I work with a guy who’s just split up from his (second) wife. At 60 he’s got two kids of 5 and 7 and genuinely thinks he’s going to have the pick of the hot mums in the playground.

He’s delusional. I’m just a few years younger than him and wouldn’t entertain the idea of going out with a bloke with kids that age.

Completely reasonable. There's not a hope id date a woman with kids if I ended up back on the market.

Yes, absolutely reasonable to find someone in the same position as you. I don’t know how old you are but I have single childless male friends who are now late 40s - 50s but they still say they want kids and hope to meet a 30 Something 🙄 and think their market is not women their own a age who already have children! So yes, I’d agree older childless men are a bit odd.

Well I’m glad others agree with me then and I’m not being totally unreasonable! Like I would feel I had more in common with parents of teenagers than toddlers or young kids, so I’d want the same in a partner. I’m in my 30s so I don’t think I’m quite at the stage where a man not having a child would be odd?

I think 50+
Unless there’s a sad story as to why, I would think it’s a bit strange.

It’s quite unusual to have teenagers in your 30s though, so it might reduce the pool down a bit

You won’t be left with many options then 🤣

Oh completely, I'm not planning on getting back out there but I just know that if for some reason it did ever come to that any sort of blended family or having to work around someone elses kids would not be for me or my kids at all.

I'm sure all the single mums out there are shedding a solitary tear at the prospect of not hypothetically getting to date an average middle aged divorced/widowed man at some point in the future 😂

I'm not sure how they will go on knowing that door has been closed to them

I don’t think it’s massively unusual? Lots of mums similar age as me at their school (so may depend on area) I’m 37 and happy to date older (but not by too much)

But then you also run the risk of them maybe thinking about / wanting to have children which could be another thing to navigate around / avoid.

Maybe just get out there and meet people and see who you connect with? Then see if you can make it work if need be.