Relationship has gone stale do I take the leap

[QuaintOtter]

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 8 years when I met him I was a single parent still damaged from a nasty marriage breakup. I was lonely and he was so good to me started doing anything for me and my 2 children he was a good safe guy I just couldn’t cope with being hurt again so he was just what I needed. He did most things for me even taking over the housework I did find this strange but I let him help. He became very protective of me didn’t like male friends on social media liking my pictures and always wants to know where I’m going he says it’s because he cares so much. He was amazing support when my dad passed away 5 years ago I don’t know what I would have done without him. My 2 children boys are teenagers now ages 15 and 18 their own father has nothing to do with the boys. There is no romance in our relationship the chemistry wore off years ago we are like best friends we get on well and it’s like I depend on him as he wants to do everything for me. It’s hard to say I don’t fancy him anymore. He’s been sleeping on the sofa for years he says it’s because he gets up early for his job and likes to fall asleep to the tv. I’ve tried talking to him about this and say how can you be happy like this he says he’s happy and it gets brushed under the carpet. I’ve recently experienced a online connection from a guy I was attracted and he was to myself it was only brief as we couldn’t act on it because of our situations so we’ve blocked each other. But I liked it I liked the attention, it’s made me think of my relationship with partner and got me thinking is this really what I want and guilty that I’m thinking like this. We go out for meals and date nights but absolutely no spark our evenings are sat on sofa and he scrolls tik tok. Im
at that stage where do I need to tell him the relationship isn’t working and be alone with my sons. We all live together in a shared ownership home my father gave me inheritance and I had to gift my partner the money to get the property as I couldn’t have it in my name because of poor credit. I’ve been asking my partner for years to go to solicitor to get it all put in my name but he doesn’t do it always says he’s too busy at work. I’m obviously scared financially and the house situation but I really need to do something as I’m just not happy in this relationship. I have no support my mum and dad passed and no real friends as I don’t go out and work from home I feel trapped. Any help or advice I’d be so grateful

It sounds like you may have put yourself in a dreadful position if you have given away your financial security by putting the house in his name. Did you put any legal agreement in place to ring fence or otherwise protect your investment in the home?

You effectively say you’ve used him for convenience for many years and now you’re bored and he’s less useful, so you want to walk away. Of course you can, but in his shoes i would probably screw you back and take the house off you.

Things were great at the beginning he made me feel special he was going through divorce so was down himself we really cheered each other up we really enjoyed each others company opened up to one another and had trust. He was very down on women in general at first as his ex cheated on him he stopped seeing his children I encouraged him to fight to see his kids but all he wanted to do was be with me. He lived with his parents after his break up I was on my own with my boys and as things were good I asked him to move in. We were in rented property, and we decided it would be great to invest my dad’s inheritance in a property he wanted this and told me let’s get us in the new house and we will sort your name on the property but doesn’t get round to it.

It sounds like the situation has become really tough, not just emotionally but financially too. Feeling trapped is completely understandable, especially with the house and inheritance tied up in a shared ownership situation and no formal legal agreement in place. When relationships reach this stage, it can be hard to make decisions, but protecting yourself and your children is important.

Consulting a service like Equitable Divorce could be a useful step even if you’re not currently separating. They provide clear, Ireland-specific guidance on how assets, income, and debts can be handled fairly. Having a transparent financial picture might give you the confidence to make the next move safely, and avoid any surprises if you do decide to live independently.

Many people in long-term relationships realise that emotional dependence doesn’t always equal happiness, and taking practical steps to secure your home and finances can make a big difference. Even speaking to a solicitor about formalising ownership of the house or understanding your options could help you feel less stuck.

You’re not alone in feeling conflicted after such a long period, especially with little support. Starting with clear legal and financial advice in Ireland can give you a pathway to make decisions without feeling like you’re risking everything.