Please be advised this is a longer post but I need advice bad.
Essentially my husband and I have been together for 10 years. We have decided to have our first baby as we were doing well, I worked through my pregnancy to save up my maternity leave for post birth. The birth was rather traumatic as she was a flipped baby and the hospital was just awful. My daughter got an eye infection while we were there and I had no sleep. Post birth I did as I should for my home. Just 2 days after I gave birth I had to get groceries and dog food as my husband said he didn't know what he was doing, I ended up tearing my lacerations and was in bed for a bit/besides light cleaning and baby care.
During my healing for 3 months my husband helped alot. I still did all baby care (up most nights), and did cooking as he is useless with that but he took charge of house tasks, farm tasks, and still worked.
Jump ahead 3 months post birth when he started coming home and noticed dishes/bottles, and his dogs hair he started getting mean. He would say things like I was fat (I weighed 150-160 during pregnancy, and gradually dropped my weight is now between 130-140 (normal). He called me stupid, and lazy would scream at me, said my (lady bits stinks) and refused to return favors. He expencted head always before sex which was fine beforehand and I loved it (but I grown to hate it with him). After a while he would just walk in insult me then go play video games. I put up with it until my daughter was almost 8 months. I did everything I could, I did the farm work, cleaned and cooked, and made sure to keep him happy as possible I passed out twice with her on me and she fell once. I even yelled at her while she cried (8months) because I was scared for my husband to come home with the house dirty, and was sleep deprived. I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and broke down. After that when he came home I told him if he insulted me again I would leave, and he stopped.
Fast forward to today and alot of fights and anger and sadness. My daughter is over 2 years. He has just been a burden, just askes me to help with his properties for money/makes me leave my daughter with his mother so I can help with maintenance(constantly tells me not to spend money so I have to get my daughters gifts through a food bank), he's gone most days, he comes home from work and is gone again. I feel so hurt and alone almost every day, but I prefer when hes not home (one less person to care for). I have already scheduled an oppointment to have my uterus removed, because I feel I have already failed as a wife and mother and I don't want to go through this again. I have told my husband I would stick it out till my daughter is an adult then I plan to leave. I had to quit my regular job, as childcare is just too expensive and he does not help with farm work. I need advice as to what I should do. I was abused alot as a child by my family, and my mother's boyfriends (she was a single mom) and I'm terrified of leaving my husband and exposing/making my daughter vulnerable to abuse. I don't have alot of money (he already took nearly all I saved from my job, and I have no family support they abused me and would my daughter as well. Sex is the biggest chore I face and thankfully its far and few between as I had the higher sex drive, but with him it's dead. I don't have respect for the man I once thought was my world. I think I stupidly trapped myself and I don't know what to do. Please give me any and all advice that may help. Thank you.
SadLilac