I want to divorce my husband but will I end up loosing everything?

[Biosblbay]

My husband isn’t proactive with myself, chores, the children and our dogs. I won’t go into the reasons why I no longer want to be with him but it’s been something I have been hanging onto to see if things change or he gets better and I just find it is getting much worse. I am what you call a single married mum. I am just exhausted and the love has completely gone, from both sides I think as well. We have no respect for each other anymore.
We have been together almost 10 years, married, 2 very young children (3 and an almost 5 month old), I really never wanted a broken family but I am breaking myself and finding it hard to heal and be the best version of myself. I am constantly miserable. We go around in circles, so he makes me miserable, he always says I’m miserable and I have issues etc, I cry, he thinks my crying and mental health is an issue but he doesn’t see what he does wrong, and when I bring it up he either gets defensive, says I gaslight etc thinks I’m the problem, but I always think he is the problem. Just one big mess.

So the problems I have here… we have a mortgage, however it is just his name in the mortgage due to a default that I have against my name from missing payments when I was on statutory pay with my first child so my credit score was an issue when getting the mortgage so it was better off just being him. The money for the deposit was gifted from my mum (my inheritance early) this was £110,000 which also cleared some of his debt. Another catch… my mum lives with us. We sold our properties, put our money together and bought a place together (she lives in a lovely self contained annexe rent free). My husband pays the majority of the bills, he earns a lot more than I do despite me still working a full time job.

I have no idea what would happen if we split up/ got divorced. House is in his name so I feel he could kick me out and take full custody of the children. I really don’t know what to do here, I am in such an awful situation! We wouldn’t even be able to separate and still live together because the issues are around house work, the kids and him going out etc which would still cause arguments.

Does anyone know what would happen if I did want to divorce him and what I would be entitled to legally. I can’t make my mum homeless, she gave me my inheritance to get us this house in the first place.

Sorry forgot to also ask, and would he also get full custody of the children being the parent that has the higher income. I don’t want this to be a malicious divorce at all and want to do it fairly, I just need to be mindful of my mum in this and do what is best for the children

You’re married, you’re going nowhere. And most of the equity is yours. He can’t kick you out, whether it’s in your name or not

No, of course he’s not getting residency of the children. You can share that with him, maybe he will step up.

He won’t get custody because he earns more.
I would seek legal advice to see exactly where you stand. You can get 30 minutes free legal advice (I think).

You won't lose everything but your assets will be divided between you. You need to see a solicitor to find out what the division is likely to be.

The house is a marital asset.
It will probably have to be sold and the equity split.
Did you ringfence your deposit ?
Will there be enough for your mum to buy somewhere? Would you buy somewhere together ?

This is above our pay grade.
This situation calls for actual situation-specific legal advice.
Try to get a 30 minute freebie advice session, and then
you may need to get info together and go back and have a detailed sit-down-and-pay-money consult with a divorce lawyer.

Get legal advice and fast but you are married so the house is a joint asset, get all paperwork for your mums bit etc

and the default starting point is 50/50 custody

Also you went into debt when you were on maternity leave when he earns so much what a prince Among men you married

He can’t kick you anywhere but you will struggle to remortgage without him given your defaults.

he won’t get given custody. UK courts favour 50-50

A suggestion ..,that you quite quit within the marriage? You’re like a single parent, so be that, stop expecting much from him but don’t do much for him either? But wait to divorce until you’re out of baby phase

Did you ring fence the deposit and did you do that after you were already married?

Not necessarily by law. Unless there is paperwork to ring fence the deposit.

Re the mother moving in, again, what's on the paperwork.

In your situation it might be best to try counselling and see if you can salvage your marriage. Hope your mum took legal advice before gifting 110k.

Why would a parent get full custody because they earn more, that’s just madness.

You need legal advice, it can’t be avoided so start the ball rolling now.

They’ll be able to tell you exactly what’s what.

I agree with PPs - you need legal advice from an experienced family solicitor.

But before you do this, you must do your homework:

• Wikivorce
• Divorce for Dummies
• Family solicitor websites

Also start gathering ALL financial documentation:

• bank and investments
• salary slips and P60s
• pension statements
• house deeds and mortgage
• Compile a spreadsheet of everything.

Ask trusted friends and family members for recommendations re. potential solicitors and interview a few on the phone.

• Go see the one you feel most comfortable with.
• Make detailed notes and keep a log of important information
• use solicitor time wisely.

You could also speak to someone at the Citizens Advice Bureau...

But definitely get all the info together first.

💐