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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lack of intimacy

10 replies

TurtleJewels · 07/12/2025 13:46

Single parent who does not have any help or any “time off” How do you cope with lack of intimacy?
I have pretty much accepted I will not be able to date for a very very long time (and haven’t for a long time already) but I am really missing physical intimacy. If I had a good relationship with my ex or he was a decent man I’d go back there just for the sex as that’s something he was very good at but as it stands he isn’t and that’s definitely not an option! I do have a high sex drive but I have had to put that aside as I don’t get any time off at all.
is anyone else in this situation or similar? How do you cope with the lack of sex? I know I’m probably going to get people telling me they don’t care if they ever have sex again but I’m still quite “young” and I can’t relate and have a high sex drive and just because I’m a mum that doesn’t mean I want to live like a nun but at the same time I am not in a position to meet anyone even for something purely casual, I’m in my 30s so don’t think my sex drives has completely disappeared just yet! Has anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
Mysticguru · 07/12/2025 14:35

There are ways. Be creative.

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 07/12/2025 14:55

Mysticguru · 07/12/2025 14:35

There are ways. Be creative.

🙄 so helpful

OP that sounds really frustrating. If you would be happy for ONS and casual hookups, maybe you could start thinking about hired help (e.g. a babysitter) for the odd night off. Maybe not the kind of intimacy you are looking for, though. It must be very hard as a young single parent!

JustWantsSomeSleep · 07/12/2025 15:27

Do you have full custody and no relatives around who are able to help with childcare at all? Dating can be hard enough as it is but I’d suggest you find people who like you and accept your situation as a single mum ((guessing this is a young child)) enough to make this work. But your frustration is completely justified. Many aspects of our lives go on hold as we prioritise our children over ourselves.

Original poster
TurtleJewels · 07/12/2025 18:44

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 07/12/2025 14:55

🙄 so helpful

OP that sounds really frustrating. If you would be happy for ONS and casual hookups, maybe you could start thinking about hired help (e.g. a babysitter) for the odd night off. Maybe not the kind of intimacy you are looking for, though. It must be very hard as a young single parent!

Show quote history

My child is disabled so sitters aren’t an option as I couldn’t just leave them with just anyone

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleJewels · 07/12/2025 18:45

JustWantsSomeSleep · 07/12/2025 15:27

Do you have full custody and no relatives around who are able to help with childcare at all? Dating can be hard enough as it is but I’d suggest you find people who like you and accept your situation as a single mum ((guessing this is a young child)) enough to make this work. But your frustration is completely justified. Many aspects of our lives go on hold as we prioritise our children over ourselves.

Yes I have my children full time I have relatives but they wouldn’t watch my children for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleJewels · 07/12/2025 23:09

Mysticguru · 07/12/2025 14:35

There are ways. Be creative.

If anyone has any ideas I’d be open to hearing them but I’m ruling out inviting someone over whilst they are in bed as that’s not my kind of thing!

OP posts:
Thisistyresome · 08/12/2025 10:06

Sounds like your best bet would be a FWB who is able to plan around your commitments. But how you go about finding that is not as easy.

Mysticguru · 08/12/2025 12:26

Are you saying you have your children 24/7? Do they go to school?

Original poster
TurtleJewels · 08/12/2025 13:27

Yes I have one of them 24/7

OP posts:
Mysticguru · 08/12/2025 13:35

perhaps special me time then. I went through a period of special me times :)

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