Looking for honest advice on what to do

[Conniediamond]

So I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and we got together late 2019 so 8 months before Covid, we ended up having a baby in 2021 so everything was pretty rushed. I wasn’t even sure about him as he always came across quite blunt and avoidant in nature, not empathetic at all. The lust was there though and he has a great job plus ambitious. I stuck with him not really knowing if I even liked him that much, sounds so strange I know. I’m an anxious person and back 6 years ago I didn’t really know who I was and what I wanted….fast forward to now and the relationship is not growing at all and we are so disconnected. I’ve almost come to resent this man from the trust never really being there and he can be quite disrespectful in the way he speaks to me. He is never that loving and has never opened up to me, I've tried to be open with him and chat about the relationship but I get shut down and that it’s my fault, also that if I’m loving to him he will do it back but won’t initiate. He provides as in he earns good money and has always wanted a nice life for us which I know is why a lot of people stay in relationships. The issue I’m facing is that I can’t be affectionate or loving with him, it’s like my body rejects him, I can’t even think about having sex with him… and my anxiety is through the roof right now because we have a 4 year old and I’m trying to keep the peace for her…I feel like a lost soul and don’t know what to do. I think my partner is just tolerating me and happy to just carry on like this but I need more and want to be happy in a relationship and be able to say “love you”, I’m a good person, kind and always happy to chat about anything but I feel drained…has anyone been in this situation before? If so, how did you navigate it? I know most will say break up but it’s never that easy

You don't sound as if you like him much, let alone love him. If that's the case, you need to end the relationship. It's never easy but will be better for you both in the long run.

It also sounds that she's doing it so her child lives a comfortable life. Can't just tell someone to win away that easily

You stuck with him not knowing you liked him? You are right it does seem strange.

It sounds like you're only sticking around for his money at this point.

@Conniediamond I can only imagine this as a very lonely existence and most people would leave.
What is keeping you thee exactly?

I understand that leaving feels such a huge thing to consider. But if you feel like this now and he isn't willing to hear your concerns and work together on the issues, then things will only get worse. Ultimately that won't be good for your 4 year old either, hun.
I think this perhaps starts with a conversation with DP in which you let him know that if things don't change you don't think you can remain in the relationship. What you want and need is important and you deserve that, if not in this relationship then in another one day.
I made the decision to leave my husband two years ago after 20 years together. I had known things weren't right for years and years, but ignoring it and trying to battle on didn't help.

I wish you all the best OP xx

Do you work? Do you have any savings? Do you have friends and family nearby?

@Monty27 good question, I think what’s keeping me here is the fact we have lots of mutual friends, upcoming holidays next year and we don’t really argue so it’s not a hostile environment plus my daughter. So thinking about her living with him half the time and him potentially meeting someone else scares me! That’s me being very transparent

@FatCatPyjamas I’m quite lucky in that I have a great job in London and have lots of savings so that’s not a problem. But our house is only half renovated so half looks new and half looks old, selling it would be an issue so that’s also why I’m scared to leave, finishing the house would take another 6 to 8 months, maybe I should get it valued to see

I’d recommend therapy to work through your feelings and a plan. I’m in a very similar position and we will be selling our half done house in January. Once the connection is gone I can’t get it back. We’ve been together 20 years but although I love him as a person I’m no longer in love with someone that shuts me down and is avoidant. It can be done no matter what. The fact that you can support yourself is in your favour as many can’t once they realise they are unhappy. You get one life, don’t compromise for too long.