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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

separating, I'm relieved he is in denile

3 replies

spaceface · 09/06/2008 23:06

Hello, never posted here before but I have finally decided to end my marriage. I have been so unhappy for 4 years and it has made me ill (depression) since making the decision I feel relieved, calm and optimistic about the future for the first time in years. The problem is my H he is still in love with me and seems unable to except it is over. I do still care about him but I know there is no way I can stay with him and be happy. He is insecure and so possessive and jealous, and a little controlling. I really believe at times he is even jealous of my relationship with kids, he has undermined and damaged this over the years.My family seem to think I'm mad and that I don't know my own mind that I should reconcider as it will be so hard on my own etc etc. I think all this is giving my H false hope that I will change my mind. I would rather be skint living in a teeny tiny house supporting myself financially and on my own forever but happy than keep the life I have now. Has anyone been through this or have any advice on how to get H to accept what is going to happen. I really want us to stay friends for the kids sake.
Thanks for reading this.

OP posts:
GreenElizabeth · 09/06/2008 23:17

Good for you. Different man, different set of insurmountable problems, but nearly a year ago I left a controlling and abusive man. He didn't love me, but he was stunned I'd had the confidence to leave him. He is still telling anybody who will listen that he can't believe I left him when I had it 'so good'. Nearly a year has passed though and it does all die down. I haven't regretted it for a second. I always knew it was the right thing to do, it was just also a hard thing. Initially, when you split, everything gets harder, but then after a bit it gets SO much easier! GL

spaceface · 09/06/2008 23:42

Thanks, I know that I am doing the right thing. I guess I just want everyone in my life to know and feel that too. I guess it will just take time.

OP posts:
littlewoman · 10/06/2008 09:18

I expect everybody experiences denial when something happens that we don't want to accept. I know I did! But eventually he will come to accept it, and then he will move on. Be strong.

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