I’m getting straight into it. Last year, I left my amazing job overseas to move here, get married — and then, a month later, I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant. The pregnancy itself was fairly easy, but the labour was awful, and the baby blues hit hard afterward. All of this happened while I was living with my in-laws, where I still am now, with a newborn and a 41-year-old husband whose mother still washes and folds his laundry for him.
My mother-in-law is extremely overbearing. The turning point for me was coming home to find she had washed my underwear and put it away in my room — the only space in that house that feels like mine. That’s when I realized just how involved she is in her son’s daily life, from doing his laundry to putting away his clothes. She’s even said, jokingly but not really joking, that her son will always be a “mummy’s boy.” After a few moments like that, I started distancing myself. I don’t even bother anymore with being formal when her family/guests come over and just do my own thing. Anyways, she’s just naturally anxious and overthinks everything, often trying to have long emotional heart-to-heart talks, which is just not my personality.
Then, when the baby arrived, she became even more involved. Near the end of my pregnancy she showed me a huge bag of clothes she had bought for the baby, saying things like “tell me if I’ve done too much.” She even bought things like baby wash and cotton pads, and then started doing his laundry and fussing about whether our (mine and my husbands) clothes should be washed separately. I can’t explain it — I just get an icky feeling around her, and I hate leaving my baby alone with her. So I end up doing everything myself throughout the day (exhausting) and keeping mine and baby’s bubble separate. I don’t even go out because I just don’t want to leave the baby with her. Some people would say that’s not very nice, but to me it’s just maintaining boundaries. She also use to say things like “my baby” when she greeted the baby , so now I always make a point to respond with “I’m mummy.” She’s not aggressive or confrontational, but she really doesn’t understand when she’s overstepping. She can feels I’ve become very cold (tbh she does also give the same energy back) but I’ve just stopped caring about formalities.
All of this has taken a toll on my marriage. I’m at home caring for the baby 24/7 and still feel watched or monitored by his parents, even though I keep my distance. I can’t relax, I can’t even dress how I want because they might walk through the house. I’ve emotionally and physically pulled away from my husband because everything has built up so much. I just feel this deep silent resentment towards him which is sad because just last year we were inseparable. I told him that next year we are moving out, no matter what — and he agreed.
…Long read lol! Any thoughts?