Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do You Ever Fantasise About Someone Else Even While You’re in a ‘Happy’ Relationship?

39 replies

LoveLaugh · 06/12/2025 10:21

Okay, I’m slightly panicking and need outside perspectives.

I’m in a relationship that, on paper, is absolutely fine — no major drama, no big arguments, we laugh, we’re close… but recently I caught myself fantasising about someone else. Not just a passing “oh they’re attractive,” but an actual scenario popping into my head.

It shocked me.
Because I’m not unhappy.
So why did my brain go there?

Is this just normal human psychology — our minds wandering even when we’re content — or is it a deeper red flag I’m ignoring?

Do people in relationships honestly experience this and just never talk about it?
Or is it a sign something is missing, even if I can’t put my finger on what?

Please be brutally honest — has this happened to you, and did it mean anything, or was it literally just a harmless thought?

OP posts:
JamesClyman · 07/12/2025 11:44

Yes. In fact, I would say it's unusual not to.

TillyVanilla · 07/12/2025 11:52

Conniediamond · 06/12/2025 22:42

I fantasise way too much, I think about work colleagues, celebrities and men I know…if a guy you know is hot it’s hard not to think sexually about them! We are naturally sexual creatures, why else would we feel arousal as a bodily function…maybe I have an issue lol

I am the same, whether its subconcious or overt thinking, it just happens. It certainly dosent mean I want to, or will entertain anything further than a smile.

I firmly believe we are programmed to internally evaluate every person we meet. Why would it be any different

Original poster
LoveLaugh · 07/12/2025 15:39

TillyVanilla · 07/12/2025 11:52

I am the same, whether its subconcious or overt thinking, it just happens. It certainly dosent mean I want to, or will entertain anything further than a smile.

I firmly believe we are programmed to internally evaluate every person we meet. Why would it be any different

Edited
Show quote history

So true..

OP posts:
PeriMumEndofHerTether · 07/12/2025 15:46

I fantasise about shagging Greg the Garlic Farmer. When I told my DH, he was hysterical 🤣

Totally normal op!

Original poster
LoveLaugh · 07/12/2025 19:20

PeriMumEndofHerTether · 07/12/2025 15:46

I fantasise about shagging Greg the Garlic Farmer. When I told my DH, he was hysterical 🤣

Totally normal op!

I bet you would love Greg to come and read you a story every night before you sleep lol :p

OP posts:
PeriMumEndofHerTether · 07/12/2025 19:39

LoveLaugh · 07/12/2025 19:20

I bet you would love Greg to come and read you a story every night before you sleep lol :p

Show quote history

And then stay??? 😛

Notmyreality · 07/12/2025 19:44

Perfectly normal to find other people attractive and fantasize about them even if you are in the happiest relationship

Ilikechristmas · 07/12/2025 19:48

LoveLaugh · 06/12/2025 10:44

That’s another angle I was wondering about but didn’t know if it was “too honest” to say…
What about when people use a fantasy about someone else during sex with their own partner to feel more aroused?

Surely that must be fairly common?
Like a purely sexual thought about a colleague, or someone you find attractive, just to get yourself more “switched on” in the moment — even though you’ve got no actual intention of ever doing anything with them.

Is that still harmless imagination, or is that when it crosses a line?

Because to me, that feels more like the brain just doing whatever it needs to get the body going — not a reflection on the relationship itself. But I know some people would consider even that a betrayal.

Would be really interested to hear where others draw the line on that one.

I would never do this. It’s completely disrespectful to the person you are with. If you can’t be with them completely in the moment, do not have sex with them at all. Go and masturbate instead. Don’t use sex with a real person as part of sexual fantasy about someone else.

BeNoisyFish · 07/12/2025 20:39

I personally don't think of someone else while happily with someone.

Branleuse · 07/12/2025 20:44

Yeah I do at times. Can't always help it.
I don't let myself get into it. I wouldn't do a whole wank thinking about someone else that I knew, as that would feel weird and like I was encouraging myself, but Sometimes I get mini crushes on someone

Original poster
LoveLaugh · 07/12/2025 22:51

PeriMumEndofHerTether · 07/12/2025 19:39

And then stay??? 😛

Show quote history

Stay !! and get the service upgraded from storytelling to a massage.. won't it be even more sleep inducing lol ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveLaugh · 07/12/2025 22:56

Branleuse · 07/12/2025 20:44

Yeah I do at times. Can't always help it.
I don't let myself get into it. I wouldn't do a whole wank thinking about someone else that I knew, as that would feel weird and like I was encouraging myself, but Sometimes I get mini crushes on someone

Is that even in one's control to plan and fantasise about someone known or unknown? Doesn't it come naturally?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 08/12/2025 10:56

LoveLaugh · 07/12/2025 22:56

Is that even in one's control to plan and fantasise about someone known or unknown? Doesn't it come naturally?

Show quote history

Yes, If I'm going down a train of thought I don't want to go down, I try and think of something else.

MarginWalker · 08/12/2025 11:29

Can’t get past the em-dash. Chat gpt is ruining everything.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread