I've posted before under different names he tso I know most of you will think being in this position is my own fault. I don't know why, even knowing my H is a narcissist is abused and narcissistic, and knowing he mostly makes my life harder and more stressful, I still don't feel compelled to leave. I have some ND if that makes a difference but I'm a very intelligent and strong women otherwise (or so I thought!). I have a senior professional job and I stand up for myself.
At home, I feel bullied a lot of the time. Not all the time, but generally any time my H's mood takes it or if he doesn't get his own way, things are not good. He doesn't hit me. He has physically hurt me in the past but always small things he could answer away. He'll push past me, he'll grab something out of my hand, he grabbed me and shouted in my face once. I told my mum and his but surprisingly they didn't think it was a big deal. He's very calm and charming in front of them and I sound like I'm exaggerating.
He talks at me. He'll tell me all the ways I'm wrong or have a go at me but won't let me answer. Won't pause. Will ask a question but carry on talking. If I say something to him he doesn't like, which could be as simple as asking him to pick up his clothes that are thrown around our home office and if he doesn't like what I'm saying he walks out of the room, shouts or hides under the duvet. I don't have to be having a go for him to do that, he just can't take any sort of criticism, or what he sees as criticism.
Last night I said the DC (reception age) could sleep in our bed and usually he doesn't mind too much as he tends to like sleeping alone anyway so will go in the other room. This morning he was in the next room and the DC and I were having cuddles and watching TV in bed. I called DH to come in and cuddle with us. I called a few times as he didn't answer. Fine. An hour later he came bounding into the bedroom shouting about how he doesn't like being called from another room or downstairs and I could have woken him up if he'd been asleep (he admitted he wasnt) and he was concentrating on the game he was playing (he plays this game on his phone before work, during the day, after work, in bed... and it takes priority over everything else) and I said but I didn't wake you and we were just calling you for a hug. He was still angry and properly shouting, imitating me calling him and shouting really loudly. He then came to get in the bed and threw my DC toys across the room onto the floor so they started crying. He then lay in the bed next to us and carried on shouting and being angry.
I started recording him as he got angry. He reached over and then grabbed my arm like he wanted to break it. I said something and he let go but replied saying he'd wanted to break my arm. I have this on recording. I then said I'd call the police and at this point he left, which is probably for the best. He'd said earlier he wouldn't be back tonight which is fine, he's better off gone.
We share a car so he's taken my car. I'm supposed to be going to a party tonight and I've paid £40 for a ticket. He won't be here to look after DC and I won't have the car or car seat to take them to my parents. I still feel relieved he's gone!
I have very bad PMT so worried about how I'll get through the day but I'll do it...