We just don’t like each other any more

[CeciliaMars]

Has anyone had this? Married 12 years, 3 kids. He has physical and mental health issues, drinks a bit too much. I work full time and carry a lot of the mental load. I just don’t feel we like each other any more. We never hug or kiss. Can’t share a bed due to his snoring. It’s miserable to be honest. But is this enough of an issue to leave a marriage and break up my kids’ family? Please be kind, I’m very sad at the moment.

I’ve been like this for years, please do better than me and end it. Go find happiness.

Could you afford to separate?
Have you tried counselling?
How do you both act infront of the DC?
Presumably they are young, could you spend another 10 years possibly like this?
Any chance things can improve?
Do you want to miss the chance of being happier?

All things to consider....

We did try counselling a year ago. He said all the right things in our sessions but nothing changed.
yes I’m sure the kids must be starting to notice.
Can we afford to separate? Not sure. It’s really complicated. It would obviously mean a huge amount of upheaval. I don’t really have any family support.

You only get one life, there’s no second chances at it.

Of course it’s scary to separate, but isn’t it scarier to keep living this life being miserable?

You and your children deserve happiness.

I was like this. Knew I wanted to divorce but was worried about the kids. Everyone told me it would be even worse for the kids growing up in a miserable household. Fast forward and I’m happily divorced, kids are absolutely fine (and happy). And excited for a peaceful Xmas with no walking on egg shells.

You don’t actually need a ‘reason’ to separate. You’re an adult and allowed to decide things have ran their course. The drinking thing alone is more than enough reason anyway.

Imagine yourselves in 12 months time if you decide to take the plunge. That should be good motivation to make a decision.

Thank you @SquadGoals75. that’s lovely to hear. It’s really scary financially and practically, how did you manage?

I would start planning to separate. Speak to a solicitor to see how it might pan out. I empathise, I know what it's like. It took me years to end things but I'm very glad I did.

Yes because you deserve happiness and you’re a long time dead.

Can you live together separated until the kids are older? Would that work?

Christ, don’t do this.

Any reason you want to end any relationship is always valid

none needs to approve of your descion op

to will know on your heart what is best for you
follow it

I was worried if I would cope financially but it was like a weight was lifted and I'm happily divorced. The kids are happy and I made sure we stayed amicable so the only difference is he does doesn't live here. He pops in to see them and they go there. A few of my friends have separated this year and they're much happier. Life is too short. Make a change and a year from now you'll look back proud of how far you have come.

I was in a marriage like this. And he did absolutely nothing in the home or with the kids. We both worked full time. We had a very healthy joint income, lovely home, two DC’s and on the face of it had everything that most people would want. We were both miserable.

It was pretty scary to leave that to be a single parent, which I still am now, but it was the best decision for all of us. I’ve been much happier since and so have the kids. He’s learned a lot in that time and is a good parent now.

Take the leap and put your own happiness and that of your kids first. It will be difficult in the year or two after, don’t think otherwise. But it gets better and you’ll regret living your life like this if you do nothing.