Pregnant and in an unhappy marriage

[ThisRubyDreamer]

I'm really struggling at the moment, i'm clearly very hormonal, emotional and not thinking clearly. So I'm just gonna put everything down here and hope for some kind and honest input, because honestly I've gotten myself into a big mess.

Me and Husband didn't think we could have children (for reasons I wont go into) so this has come as a shock, and also around the time I was thinking that maybe I should leave. I haven't been happy for the last 2 years, he's a good man but emotionally unavailable, he doesn't understand that I need someone I can talk to. He's more of the silent type and I've gradually felt lonelier and lonelier, his love language is acts of service and mine is touch and deep conversation. I have tried explaining this for many years and it's just not something he feels he can give me. I also feel like more of the adult in the relationship, I have to keep on top of the repairs to the house, worry about the remortgage etc because he just wont or cant be that responsible. He'd rather bury his head in the sand when there's a problem so I never feel supported in that sense.

I worry now with a child on the way i'll just have two kids to look after and no one to look after me.

Now to the bigger part of this mess. Before I got pregnant I was online trying to find new friends and maybe build a life outside of my marriage to help combat the loneliness. I found two lovely friends, guy and girl and it's made a big difference, so I kept going online for more friends. You can guess maybe where this is going, I met someone I really clicked with instantly, and after a few months I started feeling attracted to him. When I found out I was pregnant he was the first person I told and I realise now I have really started to have feelings for him. He's on the same page and we really weren't intending on anything more than friendship so it's yet another surprise I wasn't expecting.

I don't know if im feeling things more intensely because of the hormones or whether this could be something meant for me. In short I'm totally confused, an emotional wreck and I need to figure out what's best for me and baby going forward.

Do you want to be pregnant? You would need to be co-parenting with your husband for many many years.

I've thought long and hard about it and yes I really want this baby

Do not stay with your h for the sake of your child.

Have you actually met this other man in real life?.

I would consider seeing a therapist to talk this through and decide what you want going forward.

Firstly congratulations on the pregnancy 😊. A baby will not help your relationship, it's a time when things can be very emotional and stressful and is difficult even if your are the perfect matched couple. You have made the biggest decision to keep the baby, you are obviously a very capable person, it sounds like you already do most organising in the home so you don't really "need" anyone to look after you. Obviously in an ideal world it would be nice. There is no rush to make decisions, perhaps go with the flow at the moment?
Coparenting can be a nightmare, not going to lie, but only they babies dad will love the baby as much as you will. Also doing it alone is sometimes easier, you get to make the decisions and there is no resentment as it is all on you. As you already said you have started to have feelings for this new "friend " perhaps keep this to yourself and see how it plays out? If it's meant to be it will happen. Enjoy your pregnancy and baby when the time comes, that has to be the most important thing.💕

The question is; how real is the relationship with the internet man? How well do you know him? I’d worry you’re getting carried away with an exciting escape fantasy and don’t really know this man.

Can you afford a baby on your own?

You’ve found out your pregnant and Youre set ok continuing.

In probably going against the grain here, as the advice is always LTB - but you need to focus on your marriage.

Being a divorced/seperated single mum before your child is even born is not going to be walk in the park. Starting a new relationship whilst pregnant is also not a wise move.

You need to communicate with your husband and tell him how bad it is and how you feel. At least give him a chance to step up and make changes.

He’s a forgetful and not very emotional, ok, that can be worked on. Go to therapy or counselling together.

The child would ideally like to live with both parents, there needs to at least be an effort made here.

For your own sake, too. If this new bloke wasn’t on the scene, the grass might not look so green. Things could fizzle out and you’ll regret leaving without even trying to fix the marriage

How old are you op?

Couple of thoughts. If you can't talk to your DH - do you have other people you can talk to? One person can't give us everything we need. You could meet a man who is great to talk to but rubbish at sex. Or rubbish at other things. No one is perfect.

But you say you're in an unhappy relationship and have been a good long while.

So maybe leave your husband. Do you want to be a single parent and do you want to co parent with your ex forever?

Then go ahead with the pregnancy.

If you truly want a fresh start and new life then I would abort and do just that.

I wouldn't let this other man factor at all into your decision.
He could disappear at any moment and is he likely to want to raise your husband's baby with you?

But don't stay with your husband and have a baby with him. I know too many women who have done this and they're miserable.

I have been in a similar position and chose to be single and childless. Right decision