I love a good cathartic rant thread and I realised I need one this time.
exBIL. Awful man. Still causing chaos with his narcissitic behaviours, abusing SIL, terrible parent who drops the slack and we have to pick it up.
I would never ever talk to him or tell him what I think - what's th epoint? It would just inflame things and make everything worse and it's not like he's ever going to reflect on his behaviour. Instead, he's blocked on all platforms so that even if he tries to talk to me to drip his poison (he does - to me, to DH, to friends etc so this is not just me being a bit paranoid), he can' treach me. this is the right thing to do. Not give him any air.
BUT I'm just so frustrated. he has been trying to reach out recently to a few of us. One of the things he often says in these moments is, "you've only ever heard SIL's side, but you have no idea what was really going on..." etc etc.
So here's my rant:
No, I didn't need to hear SIL's side. Especially when you were still together because she used to excuse your behaviour and justify it all the time. No, I made up my own mind about you based on the behaviours I saw and experienced personally. Your laziness and sense of entitlmenet. Your resentment when anyone expected you to work. The way you were consistently rude and unpleasant in MY home and, when we were very very occassionally alwoed into your home, you were rude and unpleasant and unwelcoming. The fact that whenever anyone tried to help you, it always backfired and yet you'd still try to position yourself as the victim.
the time you refused to help me but... again, almost caused a fight between me and SIL because apparently YOU were sooooooo worried and it was sooooooo mean of me not to keep you updated in real time.
Your ridiculous rants to DH about how SIL Deserved the aggression and violence you meted out to her. Your lack of parenting that I didn't need SIL to tell me about - I saw it in in the way weekends we saw her and your DC but we never saw you. When you WERE around, you'd be drinking coffee or beer while th rest of us looked after YOUR childen. How often Dh and I have to collect your DC because you can't be bothered.
The way you treated MY children - posturing and lecturing 8 year olds inappropriately or sending abusive text messags to a 12 year old.
In all these years, you've never made me a cup of tea, poured me a glass of wine. You've eaten countless meals at my house but I've never seen you so much as pick up a plate and carry it ot the kitchen. Even when I allowed you to spend Christmas in MY home after you and SIL broke up you couldn't even be btothered to turn up with so much as a box of chocolates.
One of my earliest memories of 'shit, this is bad one' was the day I watched you pressure SIL into paying for an expensive item that YOU wanted when you couldn't afford it adn were already living rent and expenses free in HER home. And you'd only been together for about a year. And don't even get me started on the way you muscled in on MY family and attempted to manipulate them.
You are a truly awful person and I wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire. The sooner you disappear completely again, this time forever, the happier I'll be. I'll happily do all the babysitting and school runs for your DC, even though its hugely inconvenient, if it's becuase you've finally decided to leave forever so that you can stop confusing them by disappearing for months at a time and then reappearing and telling them that you couldn't see them (or call them or message them or send a fucking christmas card) becuase you were "sick" or "sad" or "mummy won't help me so I needed to go away".
And BREATHE.