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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you tell someone how unhappy they are making you.

3 replies

ConnorTraceptive · 09/06/2008 21:20

Because DH is. I think he is depressed and although I think he would admit to feeling quite low I don't think he will accept that it is actual depression and I don't think he'll go to the doctors.

Over the past 3 years he has become an increasingly negative person, always focussing on what we don't have, has this view what we have isn't good enough that we should have more. He's always had limited patience but it's got much worse recently and I feel that our poor 3 year old gets it in the neck for such small things.

I feel totally dragged down by his negativity and feel I'm turning into the same. His presence chages the whole mood of the house. Even if he'sbeing jovial and playing with DS1 I'm just hovering around on eggshells waiting for him to lose patience.

He used to say how he always felt guilty about not seeing enough of the DS's and he has always bathed DS1 as part of their time together, but now although he still baths him he sits there reading a fucking book, not connecting at all. I want to scream at him when I see this.

I can't live a life like this so how the hell do I start the converstation that we really do need to have.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/06/2008 21:24

Well, ime, it's better to go into it with lots of "We, I and You's" rather than just "you you you". Make sure you give lots of positives and compliments on the good things he does or has done in the past, as well as addressing the negative things. Basically, try and make it as constructive as possible, with suggestions on how "we" can fix it, etc.

It's a difficult one, for sure.

ConnorTraceptive · 09/06/2008 21:38

I know I'm avoiding it because it's not something that's going to get better with one conversation and chances are things might get worse before they get better.

I don't want to deal with it, I have a toddler and a 3 month old and I'm tired and I know you're right about using lots of we's and I's but part of me just wants to rage at him.

I've had PND with ds1 so I know that going off at him isn't the right way, I just don't know if I have the strength to go softly softly

OP posts:
Eve34 · 09/06/2008 22:15

Ask him how he feels things are going, ok, I know it might not be a great opener, but it is a start. Or if he is being negative, ask him to thin of a positive. When DP drives me nuts, I try to think of his good points. moments when he made me laugh etc.

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