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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friendships: How to let go a little bit

2 replies

AuntieJay · 05/12/2025 08:50

I'm not sure if this is the rite place to post but I'm just curious to know how everyone views adult friendships and how much a part of your life they are.
I'm very lucky in that I have a fair few close friends who I love dearly and go above an beyond for. I have just returned to work after having my second daughter and now I just feel it's a lot harder to keep up with everyone but I feel I've made myself so available before that now the pressure is piling up. I don't think my friends expect this of me, more it's pressure I'm putting on myself.
My closest friends are a group of three who I've known since college. We've always been close but also have often spoken about others in the group behind their backs and now I feel like this is happening about me. They all call me to complain about one another and share their hardships - which have been really hard for a lot of them this year but I often feel like I'm rushing round at the last minute to see them as they can be quite specific about what suits them in terms of plans or spending my time worrying about them and trying to help without being asked because I'm scared they'll complain about me otherwise.
I guess I have two questions: aibu to pull back from this group a bit even though they've all been through some really hard stuff this year while I get used to my new schedule etc?
Aibu to set boundaries about talking about other friends as it's making me increasingly more miserable listening to them complain about each other?
Interested to hear other's friendship situations and how you juggle work, kids, general adult life and still be a good friend but look after yourself.

OP posts:
EmotionalLimbo · 05/12/2025 08:57

I don't have kids but I've got a lot of friends, a house, a part time job and a full time PhD on the go. And pets.

I don't think you're wrong. I think really see these as three individuals rather than saying you're in a group which can feel unnatural.

I guess you have a WhatsApp or messenger group chat? Just chat on that. You said they call you, well invite them round instead. Together. They'll get to meet the baby and they wouldn't talk about each other. And if one whinges about another just grey rock and say something like that's tough and change the subject.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/12/2025 09:31

Proper friends don’t talk behind backs.

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