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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Getting over a crush

8 replies

BeWiseTurtle · 04/12/2025 20:28

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post, as it isn’t about a relationship, but hopefully I can get some advice…

I’ll start by saying, I’ve been single for about 10 years, since splitting up with my childrens father, who I was with for just over 17 years. I made the decision when we split that I would stay single whilst the children were young, I didn’t want anymore children and I didn’t want the complications of a blended family. I therefore haven’t had a relationship or dated, so very out of practice at this sort of stuff.

For the first 7 years I didn’t meet anyone that I was interested in in that way, or even think about it really, I think I was just set in my mind that I had made my decision to stay single. Then, about 3 years ago I developed an attraction to someone at work, not a colleague but someone I see and work with a few times a month. It took me by surprise, and I sort of laughed it off to myself as a crush and thought it would wear off quickly. But 3 years later, it hasn’t. I’m pretty sure he has no interest in me, I think he would have showed some sort of sign if he had (though I don’t know if I would even recognise it as a sign, it’s been that long since I’ve been single and available).

I’m finding that it’s taking too much space in my head recently, and the more I try to forget about him, the more I think about him. He’s even invading my dreams ffs. So I need strategies to stop me from liking him in this way, how do I put it out of my head? I’ve been trying and failed for the last 3 years

OP posts:
BeNoisyFish · 04/12/2025 20:31

Go on dates with other men, you don't have to sleep with them but it might be nice to feel you can have a sense of connection to other people.

BeWiseTurtle · 04/12/2025 20:47

I have had men ask me out, not loads, as I don’t really meet a lot of single men, but a handful over the last few years. I just can’t bring myself to say yes as I have no interest in them at all. I even registered for online dating but didn’t see one person that I would consider messaging 😕

OP posts:
GatherlyGal · 04/12/2025 20:49

Why not just ask him to go for coffee or something? You have nothing to lose and he might even say yes.

BeWiseTurtle · 04/12/2025 21:05

I’ve been for coffee with him whilst working, and lunch. I feel like I can’t ask him to do anything out of work as it will make things awkward if he says no. Or am I over thinking this? As I said, I was a teenager last time I did any dating

OP posts:
alpenguin · 04/12/2025 21:08

If you ask and he says no that’s usually a huge crush buster and if he says yes then good luck

BeWiseTurtle · 04/12/2025 21:14

Would it make things awkward at work though? I can’t avoid seeing him. I don’t know if it would be bordering on being unprofessional, given the working relationship we have. I just think it would be easier if I could make the feelings I have for him go away, but nothing I do is working

OP posts:
GatherlyGal · 05/12/2025 09:48

BeWiseTurtle · 04/12/2025 21:14

Would it make things awkward at work though? I can’t avoid seeing him. I don’t know if it would be bordering on being unprofessional, given the working relationship we have. I just think it would be easier if I could make the feelings I have for him go away, but nothing I do is working

It's fine to ask him out. Keep it breezy and it doesn't need to be awkward.

It seems like you can't just turn the feelings off so you might as well test the water. As @alpenguin says a "no thank you" might help as sometimes the thoughts of what could be just feed the crush.

FinallyHere · 06/12/2025 13:06

Get to know him better.

almost guaranteed to burst the bubble of imagination that the crush feeds on.

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