Ive been with my partner for 7 years. 3 years into our relationship I found out he had cheated (twice with same girl he met on a night out in the first 3 months we started seeing each other). At this stage I was 2 months postpartum and it blew my world apart. Never had I thought he was capable. I found out because I'd started to get a gut feeling about a woman he messages claiming she was just a good mate. My gut started to go off and I asked to see their messages. Within the was stuff like:
Happy Birthday, bet you wish i was there to go down on you
Bet youd get your t*ts out for me
Along with a message saying hed not 'had sex since he lived in London' but that he'd favourited a load of prostitutes. I asked him what the London thing meant and thats when he confessed to sleeping with someone at the start of the relationship. I asked about these messages and he said its just stupid messages trying to 'out-dick' each other, that theyve never had sex or anything like that and hes not seen her in person for years. Theyve been mates since about 2010 and tweets between them back up the immaturity. He said never hire a prostitute, it was just to be funny/be a dick.
He sent her a message to say Id seen the messages and he told her he needed to grow up as he has a family etc. She apologised, acknowledged its their jokey humour but could see why id be upset. He then blocked her and according to him, hasnt had any contact since.
I have tried for 4 years to move on with him, weve gone to counselling etc but im really struggling. I keep thinking what if hes lying or that theres more (cos there could be right?). He could have had more ONS/affairs, or these messages could have meant something...? How do you retrust a liar/someone capable of dickish things?
Im so scared to pull the plug though - the thought of working out finances, our young kids, cancelling our wedding, telling people. Its so overwhelming. I hate he chose to do this to me. To us. Anyone been through similar and come out the other side (whether you stayed or left)?