Why am I SO sad? (Consent order stage divorce)

[newtothisgreenstuff]

I received my draft consent order today. I’ve paid over £2k for it to be drafted and have been anxious about getting this part sorted for the best part of a year.

We’ve agreed terms now, amicably in the end. I should be rushing it over to him, but I feel paralysed.

We separated a year ago, still living in the same house. I had so many valid reasons. He has been shagging someone else (not OW started 1 month after we split). I don’t want a physical relationship with him and have not been bothered by the new relationship (he doesn’t think I known about).

But Why am I so sad? At this stage, so late in the process. I can’t and don’t want to go back. I just look at the kids today and think fuck how did I get here.

Maybe it’s because he’s been so nice lately, maybe I’m just having Mum guilt. Maybe it’s just sad to get divorced despite the very valid reasons.

Just thought I’d see if anyone felt the same, did you feel ridiculous too? The marriage broke down for reasons if I posted I’d get full support for.

I don’t care that he’s been seeing someone else.

I don’t want to go back.

Yet I’m so sad seeing the legal words on paper and wish it were different. Not to go back but that life had been different.

Thanks for listening.

You can want the marriage to end and still feel sad that it didn't work out. I think that's healthy and normal. One of my closest friends left her husband (for very valid reasons) and still cried buckets when her divorce was finalised. Her lovely new partner said 'It's ok, she just needs to grieve the end of her marriage' He understood that it wasn't about her wanting to get back with her husband, it was genuine sadness that 16 years of her life has ended like this.

It's ok to be sad so just allow yourself to feel how you feel. It will get better 💐

Yes - it's normal to feel sadness at the end of it all. Feels painful - because it's something that didn't work out. Because the future is going to be different from what you imagined and expected when you got married. And because you worry about kids.
It'll pass. It won't always be easy - co-parenting can be hard. But even at my lowest - I don't wish I was still married to my exH.