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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When should I contact ex?

8 replies

Isitvintage · 03/12/2025 13:05

I’ve messaged about breaking up with my partner as he was living a strange double life and cheating.

We have a nearly 2 year old. Due to the nature of the break up I’ve requested Claire’s Law and will get a phonecall by the end of the week. I’ve filed for CMS. I haven’t spoken to him in almost a week - he hasn’t even checked in on his son. But we did agree that if we broke up we would coparent and he wants to be in his son’s life.

I am currently in a better place. I’m eating again, not obsessing over being a a detective and I can sit still (I couldn’t sit still for almost a month!). Whilst every day is very hard and a mental battle, I don’t feel as overwhelmed as I did 2 weeks ago.

It’s the festive season. I personally don’t mind if I never see him again but I know that I should reach out for our son’s sake.

Im not sure what I should do. Wait for the Clairs Law results and then go through the courts for contact whilst having no contact with him - or contact him anyway for a chat - mainly to run through what we do about coparenting, before I take the legal route. My guess is that it is better for us to sort our own arrangement than to get the courts involved.

Any tips on when I should contact him?

He was desperate to reconcile, and we were on the road to but he ended up seeing the woman in secret in that period - so I ended it.

Anyways - would love to hear how others have gotten to the next stage when a young child is involved.

OP posts:
Suednymph · 03/12/2025 13:10

My advice and this is from experience is not under any circumstances contact him. If he wants to be in his childs life he needs to reach out. Also if you are waiting on a claires law report I would be avoiding him fully until that comes through to make a more informed decision in the future.

frostiesandfog · 03/12/2025 13:18

Definitely don’t contact him OP - especially as you’ve requested Claire’s Law. If he wants to be in his son’s life then wait to hear from him, then go through the courts.. it’s not your place to chase him.

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 03/12/2025 13:24

Wait and see what comes back and go from there.

Don't stop him from seeing his son unless you have a concern for his safety.

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 03/12/2025 13:25

Don't contact him. If he contacts you then go from there. Why would you chase him?

TheThingOnTheIce · 03/12/2025 13:34

Don’t contact him

Isitvintage · 03/12/2025 14:17

Thanks. Thats what I thought deep down.

OP posts:
Summerunlover · 03/12/2025 16:08

Do not contact him. He should contact you if he wants to see your son.

Mizztikle · 03/12/2025 16:15

Has your number changed since you split? have you blocked his number? if not continue on your healing journey and take care of your son that he hasn't bothered with, If he wanted to he would.

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