Messages - too harsh?

[Jokethecoalwoman]

I'm wondering if I'm being a bit too harsh/hasty with regards to men replying to messages/length of time/"left on read" etc so I'm looking some opinions.

I'm not expecting constant messages, 10 messages in one go, messages every day etc.... that's absolutely not what I'm after!
But if I message someone, they see the message then don't reply for say 24+ hours I tend to block and move on.

My friend thinks this is harsh as "people are busy" etc but sending a "hello" message can take 10 seconds. Do people really not have 10 seconds in a day to reply to someone they're "interested" in?

Happy to hear I'm being too harsh, but it is something that really annoys me and I've ended a past relationship because the guy "couldn't" reply to messages in what I would consider a normal time frame.

Thanks for any opinions!

What would you consider a normal timeframe?

I have had this recently, with being left on delivered/read for almost a week by a couple of guys where I was led to believe there was mutual interest. I didn't meet either of them in the end for this reason. I'd give longer than 24 hours but once it gets to 4 or 5 days I find it disrespectful and rude and my interest goes No one is that busy for someone they are interested in.

Depends…once you’re getting to know someone and are in the early stages of dating, I’d usually expect a reply on the same day, but I would accept that on occasion it can take longer. Sometimes I quickly read a message on the go, then the day is hectic, and suddenly it’s past 8pm and I think I better leave it for tomorrow. But I agree that if you’re regularly left on read then there might not be enough interest.

Takes a second to send a message .
I think not replying in 24hrs is unacceptable.

i was dating a guy who seemed really keen at first . We were already sleeping together etc and then suddenly i felt the vibe shift and he was taking 3 days to reply to a text . They say you know when a man is interested as you won’t have any doubts .

Thank you!

I'd say anything over 24 hours is unacceptable (unless there was an emergency etc which there usually isn't as they're posting on Facebook/Instagram) .

Following on your OP that the guy should respond within 24 hours it then follows that you should too so basically you are looking for everyday messages? At what point is it OK to cease a conversation for a few days?

Why would you want a "hello" message that only took 10 seconds of thought?

I'm not into communication without substance. When people send messages that just say "hi" or "good morning" I ignore them. I'd rather they wait until they can put actual thought into what they want to say to me, or until they actually have something to say.

It's not that I want a thoughtless message. But if I've messaged someone something like "how was work?" "Did you enjoy the gig?" I wouldn't think "yes not bad!" Was too much effort to send back.

There's no universal right or wrong. Some people don't want a lot of messaging back and forth, some do.

It's possible they're thinking you message too much!

I thinking blocking and moving on is a bit hasty, but obviously up to you.

I agree with you my current partner is not a big messager at all but when we do message he responds immediately if he's around or if he's on a run or something he will respond once he gets back and explain why he wasn't able to text straight back.

I think if someone's interested they will let you know honestly by their behaviour.

It depends on the circumstances - but I do agree with you. If that’s always been their communication style that’s one thing, but if they started off as a texter and then down the line there was a 24 hour gap, I’d assume they’d lost interest (in the early days).

It might depend on age but yes, I think if you are under 40 and looking for love, then one message a day isn't too much to ask for. Although... hope I don't sound mean... but I probably wouldn't rush to answer a potential date asking how work was

This is harsh. I sometimes read a message and don't reply for days, i may just do a quick check in a quiet moment and forget to reply later. If a message doesn't involve a question or warrant a reply to may not bother.

If you’ve never met, then longer delays are fine.

Once you have had a date, though, and if you both want another, I think a few hours is plenty. If you get a nice message and can’t be bothered replying the same day, you’re not that interested, or playing stupid games.

I agree it’s harsh to block after 24 hours. People can be busy and if you’re just chatting and haven’t met, they’ll likely be talking to multiple people. Dating admin takes time.

I have days when I just can’t respond during working hours, and others when I can take a break and reply to messages (or scroll on here). But unless I have a hectic night which can happen, I do try to respond the same day.

That’s not always possible when I have kids, friends, group chats etc. My kids get a quick reply, others are prioritised accordingly. I’d be annoyed if I was blocked after 24 hours by a stranger when I’m busy. Though it would tell me we’re not compatible.

I am so glad I don't have to worry about this shit anymore. I wonder how we ever functioned before all of this 'instant' messaging.

My 2p (and I'm a man, so what do I know?) is that the idea of dating is to make each contact point enjoyable so that the other person wants to reply / see me etc. If I were to start imposing time limits on how long messages can be left before they were replied to, I would imagine that it would very swiftly become a tedious chore to reply.

Some of my best relationships were born out of patience, including the one with my late wife who was the love of my life. If I'd have followed the OP's rule, we would never have gone beyond a couple of weeks as she was shit at replying quickly, and remained so throughout our time together. We just arranged to meet, and did all our communicating during the times when we were together. We didn't need to bombard each other with messages during the rest of the time.

I think it's fair.

People that do this are looking for a conversation or are reaching out for some interaction. Maybe a “how are you?” / are you ok?” would be more appreciated than you realise.