What do you think of this set up? My family and other animals!

[malificent7]

My parents had a tricky relationship. Dad controlled the money...hated spending on clothes, Christmas, Hardly saw them hold hands...odd bit of violence over money.
Mum dies age 58. 5 months later my dad got with a close friend's mum. Nice lady bit ot was soon. None of them thought to talk to me or sister ...just canoodled in front of us sort of thing.
This friend is more of a frenemy and before our parents got together used to make snide comments, date my exes and looked please when I had misfortune.
She totally threw her toys out of the pram when mydd recused to play with her dd as her dd was mean to mine. She wanted them to be cousins. They are not cousins and they don't get on anyway.
Now I have distanced myself from frenemy, my dad ( whospends lots of time with frenemy) and hisfiance.

He is a good grandad to my dd butweird with me. He aid he didnt want st help me with my wedding as much as with my sister's as I cost more growing up apparently.

Now I am spending xmas day with dad and fiance. Frenemy is there mas day. I just hate that I my dad is with my frenemy's mum and I therefore cant completely back off.

It also hurts that dad spwnds lots on his dp when he was so tight with my mum. Alsohe seems to prefer frenemy to me.

Your dad sounds pretty nasty so not sure why you're spending any time with them at all. I wouldn't be going for Christmas. I'd be having a nice time with people who actually love me!

OP, I can imagine this is really difficult and painful for you. However, assuming that you want to have a relationship with your dad, you need to try and get past this. It sounds like your parents were not well suited and your dad is happier now, so it would be nice if you could be pleased for him and his new partner. I don't think that means you have to spend lots of time with frenemy though - can you try to arrange to see your dad and partner without her there?

I guess I go for dd. She adores him. I do like his dp but I find the " family" dynamics tough what with dad hanging out with frenemy etc!

What has made me feel uneasy is that "frenemy" wants to care for my dad in his old age. Completely overstepping and imo, money motivated.
But apparently her mum is "not after the house."

So take your dd to see him another time? don't spend Christmas there feeling awkward

ok - So your Dad is an adult and can have a relationship with whomever he likes.
If you dont get on with the new partners daughter and feel awkward when they are al together there's nothing making you do that - you can spend time with your Dad on a different day.

If your'e worried about what your Dad is doing with his money - again - he's an adult and can do what he likes with it. If you're worried he's being coerced regarding what he spends money on - then that's different you can have a conversation with him about how to keep his money safe.

I wouldn't be going to see him at Christmas if l were you. l'd have a lovely celebration with your daughter. Could you both see other family such as your sister instead?
Your Dad sounds nasty, you mention him being violent towards your Mum over money in the past, and also that he was deliberately divisive re you and your sister threatening to spend more on her wedding than yours. Typical scapegoat / golden child scenario.
Leave him to his new life, minimise contact, protect your daughter and only agree to see him and his fiance when frenemy isn't present.

I don’t understand why you would spend your Christmas there.

Going there for the sake of your DD will do both she and you no good at all. You're basically showing her that you do not matter and is ok for your relatives and frenemies to treat you like shit.

I would also think your DD does not adore him either, that is just your perception which is off beam.

I would urge you to spend Christmas day with anyone other than these dreadful people who are toxic just like your dad. Again it does you no favours at all to be in their company and if you do go there you are basically offering yourself up to being abused and or otherwise mistreated.

Your DDs grandad may buy her gifts and such like but that does not make him a good grandfather. He was not a good parent to you anyway when you were growing up and he has not changed in all the years since. Now these two women have latched themselves onto him. Protect yourself and have nothing more to do with dad and these women.

Dd does adore my dad as she regularly tells me and would be very upset at xmas withoit him.

I poated a long time ago about frenemy. Her dd was horrid to mine then winged about my dd not wanting to hang around with her. Good on my dd.
Frenemy properly had a tantrum about how I had distanced myself from her mum etc. It is as though she has no respect gor boundaries and thought we could be a big happy family ( which she could trample over!).

Dd also tries to get me to think highly of my dad as she points out his good points. He does have some.