End of a friendship?

[Temporaryname158]

I struggle with boundaries and wanted to check with a wider hive mind before I take any action

background: friends 25 years in a group of 4 female friends. All 4 live very different lives and interests but still enjoy each others company and meet up once or twice a year for a weekend

The issue: we recently went on a weekend away. Overall I had a nice time but several things with 1 friend have begun to grate on me. I’ll list them below

• derisive of others. I asked where a shared food product had been bought as I liked it (I’d never seen it for sale but had heard of the item and liked the taste) she looked at me like something on her shoe and stated ‘the shop’. I said I had never seen it, she told me it’s sold everywhere. I have now checked several shops near me and it isn’t sold there
• she shops at M and S for food and at one point argued with another girl it was a cheap supermarket, and no more expensive than any other. She didn’t seem to be able to read the room
• at one point 2 of the girls were talking about cold water therapy and how it can help alleviate some symptoms of depression. One of the girls said it helped her and discussed the benefits of seratonin release. The lady in question stated it was pointless, why wouldn’t people just take the drugs.
• she spent a lot of time on her phone. We were watching a Christmas film or talking and she would just be watching YouTube videos or checking social media, it felt rude.

I feel conflicted, we have been friends a long time, but this is just a few of the things that happened, there were more and I was left wondering what we had in common. I was also made to feel lesser by her on several occasions. I wasn’t sad to leave her company.

should I call a halt on this friendship? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

It would seem that she wasn't just 'off' with you but with your other friends as well.
Maybe she has something going on in her home life.
Have you spoken to your other friends about her attitude ?

You could just let it slide without ending the friendship. You don’t meet regularly so maybe it’s not vital to write this relationship off right away?
Also what’s wrong with shopping in M&S for food? I do and I’m not rich. I would agree that prices the same everywhere- but I digress. Ask the other friends maybe? It doesn’t sound like it was just you. Could be a hard time in her life

Others had noticed it too, through the weekend we were talking and checking in on others lives and nothing came up from this particular friend. But I would argue this wasn’t a reason to be unkind.

@ADHDdiagnosis I shop at Aldi, it is not the same price as M and S

But if someone told me that aldi was where I should shop I would be irritated. I love M&S. I wouldn’t get into conversation about it but I’m just saying it goes both ways in terms of irritating people with opinions.

Mm she’s made a few comments that haven’t sat well with you I don’t think it’s much to end a friendship over. I shop at M&S and the M&S essential stuff and the meat is a similar price as Tesco what did she need to read the room about?

I think in life some people you just grow apart and some people you grow together it’s just life if you don’t want to be friends just distance yourself

@ADHDdiagnosis nobody told her where to shop. She bought it up and questioned why everyone didn’t go there. I don’t inform her where I shop. Nobody is telling you where to shop either

The beauty of friendships is sharing different views and life experiences. You don’t all have to shop at the same place and have the same opinions like a hive mind. I think some of your reasons are weak but you clearly don’t want to be friends with her anymore so, as it’s not working for you, just end the friendship.

You’re nitpicking. I don’t see why you’re even contemplating ‘ending the friendship’, if she’s someone you only see once or twice a year. I mean, what would that look like — you no longer going on these weekends?

You don’t exactly see each other very often so yep a molehill first world set of problems

It seems like something feels different this time and from what you say the other two noticed it too.

Is this the first time or has there been this feeling before?

If it's a one off, note it but don't pay it too much attention yet. If it becomes a pattern then, well, it's an uncomfortable situation.

If it happens again, is she the sort of person you could ask if everything is okay, as she doesn't seem quite her old self?

Over the years people some people change for the better or the worse. Sometimes there's a wobble just a fridndship and then things come good again; sometimes things end.

If she is becoming sneery or judgemental then it might be best to meet up with the other friends separately; yu and Alisha, or you and Belinda, and not suggest you and Carrie. Then youre not meeting up as a four as such, nor deliberately just the three of you. Give it some time to let things settle.

Watching Christmas films outside of December would have me reaching for the phone too. What’s the item that she got from the shop?

If she is not usually like this maybe there is something up and she is going through a bad time. In your situation I wouldn’t be rushing to make plans to see her again. But I would keep an open mind. If she acts like a dick again next time you see her then I guess you will know what to do.

Are you closer to the others than her?
If you stopped going on the weekends she is there, would you be able to maintain friendships with the others?

She sounds very unpleasant and sneery. But I'm struck that the friendship group has been going for 25 years. Has she always been like that or has she changed? Any idea why?

Sorry lots of questions! But it seems a shame to lose two nice friends because a third is an obnoxious pillock.