Know its right but still have feelings?

[fiveminutespeace]

Bit long but will try to condense it. Been married for 23years and last month dh announced we should seperate as neither of us were happy, or could make each other happy.All true as for about 15 years of the marriage he has cheated repeatedly as I was too busy looking after children,working and failing to look after his needs and wants. Went to relate several times during these episodes, all promises, to change etc and never did. Left him too many times to mention and always went back beleiving he would change. Anyway at the age of 40 he had a stroke semi recovered now but his drinking and smoking didnt,we relocated up to Scotland for less stressful life and a new start where he promised to not cheat, get us into debt, have re-mortgaged too many times due to his credit card spending,naturally none of these promises happened.Anyway since hes left has bought himself new wardrobe had an ear-ring addedand still drinking but now is spending alot of time in gay clubs I find myself caring what he is doing, if he is taking his tablets, not drinking too much But I am happier he is not here , scared as well since haven't been on my own for 23 years need to get out more but scared to. He came to see kids yesterday and they asked if he could stay for dinner, he was acting strange staring at me alot, will this feeling go? Why do I feel this way when he is such a loser ?

Because you know him really well, he's familiar, you're a bit scared and a bit lonely and now he doesn't live with you the really bad bits have gone a bit fuzzy so its easier to 'like' him.

Ignore the feelings and they will go away as you get more secure and comfortable on your own.

Thanks for that think I need a bit of reassurance as my self esteem is in my boots and I know deep down we are finished just can't equate these thoughts with what I know to be right

a shared history counts for alot and you will have some mourning and separation anxiety over this. have you thought of psychotherapy? you don't have to be mad, infact if you are not its preferable cos then its not like you need theray to cope with your life but it just makes you a little bit better, like having your nails done1

Yea have done the therapy bit when we had a stillbirth and he blamed me for being resposible .....Nice had couple counselling just cant stop feelin sorry for him duh need to get over myself I think thanks for your advice cheers

Maybe because you have been his carer for so long you feel guilty about not looking after him anymore?

You are very young - it sounds like you know that you will have a much happier life without him, if you can just get through the pain/guilt of seperating now. Bit like ripping off a plaster?

And gay clubs?! Def don't let a few puppy dog stares convince you into letting him back in. He doesn't sound like he was your 'partner' in the true sense of the word.