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Original poster

Separated from DH

10 replies

MissyP1978 · 30/11/2025 20:59

I’ve been with my DH 22 years, married for almost 18. He’s always been needy, has rarely made decisions regarding anything and Ive felt like Ive always had three children rather than just the two I gave birth to. We split 7 years ago when I had had enough last time but got back with him after he told me he was gonna take my boys off me. This time Im stronger, am working full time in a decent secure job and my boys are now 14 and 17.
The house has been sold and hes buying the buyers’ house. Both him and the buyers have knocked the purchase price down by £20k each and Im now £10k out of pocket. Hes saying he’ll split the proceeds from the house 50:50 with me and has refused to give me any of the £40k savings he has in his account and is spending like his life depends on it. Hes on his second holiday since we split in August, a new 50” tv, a macbook and is on about buying a new car. He earns an extra 60% on top of my wages so can obv afford a better olace than I can. Im struggling to find a house big enough for me and both my sons despite my youngest saying he wants to live with his dad. I want enough space for both of them in case anything changes but Im struggling to find a house bug enough that I can afford.
Im considering asking him to give me more out of the money from the house so that I can get on a more even keel with him. My only other option is to start divorce proceedings and hope I get it sorted before he spends all of the money he has. I dont see why I should suffer financially. I worked my butt off to keep us out of financial trouble and to be able to take us on holidays working two jobs.
Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:
whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 30/11/2025 21:04

Have you consulted a lawyer yet? Please get advice on your situation.

Original poster
MissyP1978 · 30/11/2025 21:32

Ive spoken to a solicitor about it. He said that if I wanted just to get out of the house as its untenable then splitting 50:50 is ok and then I can claim anything else when I go through the divorce but by the time I can afford that (not for a long time Id imagine unless I take money out of my house deposit) he’ll have spent it all at this rate.

OP posts:
travailtotravel · 30/11/2025 21:45

Have you got evidence of savings at the time of splitting.

TheSandgroper · 30/11/2025 21:52

Try a better solicitor. One who isn’t so passive. Ask around for recommendations. It may be money very worth spending.

Don’t forget to cast an eye over his pension, too.

Original poster
MissyP1978 · 30/11/2025 23:57

I only went to the solicitor for initial advice as DH said I couldnt touch his money as it was redundancy which was paid to him in June this year. He sent me his application for his new job to check over as it requires high level security clearance and on the form it states that he had £37k in his bank account so either he has the money or he’s lied on his security clearance forms.
Im considering emailing him and saying that Id take £20k extra outta the house and Id leave his redundancy alone. He has over £179k in his pension which he also reckons I cant touch (obv my sol says I can!)

OP posts:
MeTooOverHere · 01/12/2025 06:04

MissyP1978 · 30/11/2025 23:57

I only went to the solicitor for initial advice as DH said I couldnt touch his money as it was redundancy which was paid to him in June this year. He sent me his application for his new job to check over as it requires high level security clearance and on the form it states that he had £37k in his bank account so either he has the money or he’s lied on his security clearance forms.
Im considering emailing him and saying that Id take £20k extra outta the house and Id leave his redundancy alone. He has over £179k in his pension which he also reckons I cant touch (obv my sol says I can!)

DH said I couldnt touch his money as it was redundancy which was paid to him in June this year.

Oh I'll bet he did. You don't take any sort of advice off him. He is biased. Get thee to a lawyer NOW! He is actively robbing you, not blind but in full sight.

SapphOhNo · 01/12/2025 06:39

You need to stop believing what he says. He's not on your side. Go through solicitors
If he's reducing his savings, that can be addressed too.

Linenpickle · 01/12/2025 06:41

Seriously. See a solicitor asap. Stop being a mug. And get photos of all these documents. Don’t sign his vetting forms either.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 01/12/2025 06:47

Exactly as others have said, it is well worth spending the money on a solicitor given you will be much better off financially if you do. And, with some of these men the only way they will agree to a fair deal is if the authority of the law is brought to bear on the situation.

Velvian · 01/12/2025 06:58

Are you named as a joint owner on the deeds? If so let the solictor dealing with the sale know that you are currently not agreeing to the sale.

If you are not on the deeds, urgently see a solicitor to have a Home Rights charge placed on the property. There is provision to do under the Family Law Act.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/notice-of-home-rights-registration-hr1

Notice of home rights: registration (HR1)

Application form HR1 for registration of a notice of home rights.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/notice-of-home-rights-registration-hr1

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