Dating a man 4.5 years younger than me

[cazza84]

Has anyone dated a younger man? I’m 42 and he is 37, he has 2 children from a previous relationship and is financially stable.

I have no children and have never dated a younger man so not sure if it’s a good idea? We get on great but I’m worried we are on different paths and if he would like any more children in the future.

My husband is nearly 8 years younger than me. We have a great life together, but that's us.

At your ages, you should be able to just chat about that kind of thing. Ask him what he wants and doesn’t out of the relationship, tell him what you want or don’t want, it’s really that simple.

It's weird that you think this is even an age gap?

I'd be more concerned he has children as that's my deal breaker.

But if it's not yours, what's the problem with the fact you two are virtually the same age?

This is the age gap between me and DH. Been together 26 years. Difference is in the one with a child from a previous relationship.

The age gap is of much lesser concern than the fact he has children.

Have you actually thought about what that means, what that means for you? The inbuilt asymmetry of such a relationship? Lots of people don't seem to think about that at all.

As you have no children, your partner will be the number 1 person in your life, but it will never be like that with a man who has kids.

The children will always come first, or they will if he's a good father at least. Even when they're adults, if push comes to shove, it will be you who gets the boot.

In 2nd place will be the mother of his kids (because despite his relationship with her, she is and will always be the most important care-giving figure in his children's lives except for himself).

Then there's you. Are you ok with that?

It’s not really a big age gap is it? I mean it wouldn’t be given a moments thought if it was a man 4.5 years older than the woman

I don’t see it as a huge age gap I think it’s fine. I’ve never dated someone younger but it wouldn’t put me off.

Ma femme a fait! 🤣

That's no gap at all OP!

My husband is six years younger than me. We’ve been together 42 years and have three dc. I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. I want to make it to 50 but have terminal cancer. I will love him til we meet again.

Thank you for sharing, sounds like an amazing love story. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, sending you all the love, light and positivity for many more years with your family xx ♥️

An ex of mine was five years younger. I went right off him in the end because he drank too much, was irresponsible with his money and seemed to be happy to live in a hovel. He was 30 at the time. He had a lot of issues which probably contributed to the above, but I'm much happier with my partner now who is my age.

If it helps, my aunt's husband is 14 years younger than her and they're very happy!

4.5 years is no gap at all. But are you ready to have children in your life, OP?

I wouldn’t really class less than 5 years as an age gap. 37 and 42 are very similar ages. The already having children with someone else might put me off however, but that would depend on how their parenting situation is set up and how much parenting he would be expecting me to take over from him.

No, I've only dated men older than myself, but it's really not that big of an age difference. I think you'll be fine. It's not like there's 15 or 20 years difference, although that's also fine, that tends to be a little bit harder for many to navigate as there tends to be a larger difference between life stages / maturity/energy levels/generational similarities...
I hope you get on well with this new fella and his family, to me, the slight age difference would be less of an issue making me wonder how compatible we would be and the bigger issue for me would be the fact that he has kids to which you would be assisting in co-parenting in some way shape or form going forward, because then, you become a stepmom and we all know that opens a whole different can of worms.

Anyway, enjoy each other :-)

Dh is 7 years younger than me. We started dating when he was 21 and I was 28 (he was still living in his uni house! 🙈).

It totally depends on the person and the connection. I’d never dated anyone younger than me before, always 3-5 years older. Dh was by far the most mature, respectful, responsible man I’ve ever known.

Even at 21, I was like, look I’m nearly 30 with a career to build and I want marriage and children soon, so if that’s not what you’re looking for in your 3rd year of uni 😬 then that’s fine, I’ll move on. We got married 3 years after we met and I was pregnant with our eldest 6 months later.

Very happy marriage and 17 years later, he’s still more mature and responsible than me. 😂

thats not an age gap to be concerned about.

WTF? My DP is 4 years younger than me and neither of us considers it an age gap, where did you get that ridiculous notion from?