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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

This man - what is he about

26 replies

Tinytears12 · 30/11/2025 14:56

Have been flirting with a male friend for some time. But it was always me reaching out to him, initiating contact. Me who would go to kiss him. The last time I kissed him he kissed back and he clearly felt the heat! We didn't sleep together - nowhere near but we were cuddling, it was a long sensuous kiss. He clearly enjoyed the intimate moment. But then in the week following when I sent him a text he would briefly reply with something like "I'll let you know," (I invited him round) and then just very short replies or thumbs up responses to friendly messages. So in all honesty I just thought sod it, and clocked out - I stopped messaging and seeking him out. A month and a half passed without us seeing each other.

And then, a few days ago I was getting into my car and I heard someone beeping loudly and insistently at me - it was him, in his car, passing by. Gave him a brief wave. Then more attention-seeking behaviour - him peering at me purposefully out of his car when he passed again, just to make sure I see him. Then knocking at my door with some pretence - I need to put my bins out. SO was friendly to him and chatted away. He seemed happy to see me. Said he didn't always respond to messages because he was working, or taking the dog out. Then friendly texts asking if I needed this, that or the other.

What is going on here? Is he interested or not? I think I did the right thing by letting him come to me - which he has. Men are strange - do they freak out sometimes when things get intimate? Is it possible he was scared of the intimate moment and distanced himself?

OP posts:
Extragreen · 30/11/2025 14:59

Categorically 100% not interested and really that’s apparent from

But it was always me reaching out to him, initiating contact. Me who would go to kiss him.

and then basically he reciprocated ONCE and you have extrapolated a hell of a lot.

FeistyFrankie · 30/11/2025 15:25

Just ask him outright, once, and take his answer at face value.

Be prepared for a rejection though. The only other explanation is that he's so passive/inexperienced he doesn't know how to initiate.

outerspacepotato · 30/11/2025 15:29

He's keeping you on his string in case he goes through a dry spell of no sex.

Extragreen · 30/11/2025 15:30

outerspacepotato · 30/11/2025 15:29

He's keeping you on his string in case he goes through a dry spell of no sex.

They have had one kiss
months ago

Timelineuk · 30/11/2025 15:32

Tinytears12 · 30/11/2025 14:56

Have been flirting with a male friend for some time. But it was always me reaching out to him, initiating contact. Me who would go to kiss him. The last time I kissed him he kissed back and he clearly felt the heat! We didn't sleep together - nowhere near but we were cuddling, it was a long sensuous kiss. He clearly enjoyed the intimate moment. But then in the week following when I sent him a text he would briefly reply with something like "I'll let you know," (I invited him round) and then just very short replies or thumbs up responses to friendly messages. So in all honesty I just thought sod it, and clocked out - I stopped messaging and seeking him out. A month and a half passed without us seeing each other.

And then, a few days ago I was getting into my car and I heard someone beeping loudly and insistently at me - it was him, in his car, passing by. Gave him a brief wave. Then more attention-seeking behaviour - him peering at me purposefully out of his car when he passed again, just to make sure I see him. Then knocking at my door with some pretence - I need to put my bins out. SO was friendly to him and chatted away. He seemed happy to see me. Said he didn't always respond to messages because he was working, or taking the dog out. Then friendly texts asking if I needed this, that or the other.

What is going on here? Is he interested or not? I think I did the right thing by letting him come to me - which he has. Men are strange - do they freak out sometimes when things get intimate? Is it possible he was scared of the intimate moment and distanced himself?

He’s not really into you. Contrary to popular belief if a man is into you’ll, you’ll know. He’s keeping you on a leash. A ego boast. Feeling the heat in the moment of a kiss means nothing in terms of a man really being into you. Sorry

outerspacepotato · 30/11/2025 15:38

Extragreen · 30/11/2025 15:30

They have had one kiss
months ago

So? He shows interest now and then in case.

Extragreen · 30/11/2025 15:39

outerspacepotato · 30/11/2025 15:38

So? He shows interest now and then in case.

He reciprocated to a kiss
once
months ago

this man is not interested

TwistedWonder · 30/11/2025 15:42

You’re chasing a man who isn’t interested but probably enjoys the attention.

Men aren’t strange - they’re simple. He’s showing you cheating he’s not interested and you’re choosing not to see that.

Cadenza12 · 30/11/2025 15:46

Good grief no. If he was into you in any way you'd certainly know it.

TwistedWonder · 30/11/2025 15:49

TwistedWonder · 30/11/2025 15:42

You’re chasing a man who isn’t interested but probably enjoys the attention.

Men aren’t strange - they’re simple. He’s showing you cheating he’s not interested and you’re choosing not to see that.

Clearly he’s not onterested*

RavenFinch · 30/11/2025 15:51

I'm curious as to what ages you are, TinyTears, and also curious to know if it works out.

My view is that men do prefer to chase..... so when it was you always initiating contact with him and you went in for the first kiss ..... there was nothing for him to do. Nothing for his manly "chase / hunt / gather / conquer" drive to have to work towards.

So it could be as others have suggested, he's just keeping you on a leash / dangling now...... but on the other hand, you backing off may have made him realise that he does like you and that you are worth pursuing.

Let him pursue ...... stand back/ hold back and let him pursue / let him make all the moves / initiate conversations / initiate going for a coffee etc and see if it does develop.

If he doesn't stop up to the plate to actively pursue you, then the other responders were correct ...... (i.e. he's just keeping you dangling on a leash deliberately).

Hope he steps up. 👍

Fairgamer · 30/11/2025 15:51

He likes your attention but not that into you: not ready for a relationship or gay or into other person.

Start ignoring him, this idiot doesn't deserve your attention. If he keeps doing that give him a direct rejection that he's not your type and you are into someone better (but with better wording). But in general just ignore him, half assed answers, no eye contact, no smile back, just a nod and walk straight etc. Don't waste your time, people like that are emotional vampires.

SconehengeRevenge · 30/11/2025 17:14

Good spot/memory @Fairgamer

KeepAwayFromChildren · 30/11/2025 17:19

He's not even remotely an option.

I wouldn't give him the time of day.

Considerlentils · 30/11/2025 17:48

I can’t even extract one scrap of detail from your OP that would indicate this man is interested.

A little peculiar perhaps. But interested? No

BeNoisyFish · 30/11/2025 19:00

I think he missed the attention and ego boost and wanted things not to be on awkward terms or unfriendly but he doesn't sound interest, despite the, i guess, hard on he got when you kissed.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 30/11/2025 19:04

He's not interested or had someone else he had his eye on and that hasn't worked out. He's after an ego boost now he's got back in touch. Or he's in a relationship and fancies a bit on the side now.

beeeeeeez · 30/11/2025 19:19

Suggest you stay aloof and see if he chases you.

Anecdote alert: I made the move on a man who had started showing an interest in me. I did literally all the running as I was in a bad place mentally. We didn't last. Once we'd been apart a while and met as friends he started chasing me again. This time I had sorted my head out, so stood back and let him. Had he not died, poor bugger, who knows what might have happened?

BeenThereBackThen · 30/11/2025 19:32

He is definitely not into you. Is he with someone? How old is he? Perhaps he is trying to figure out whether he’s gay?

Keep him as a friend for when you have no other options if you wish but as a prospect- absolutely not.

Gymbunny2025 · 30/11/2025 21:51

Maybe he wants to go back to being friends? Hoping that he can now you have stopped chasing him?

Lavender14 · 30/11/2025 21:55

"The last time I kissed him he kissed back"

What happened the other times you were trying to kiss him?

Have you been repeatedly kissing a guy who has not been kissing you back to this point?!

No op. Let it go and look elsewhere!

icantbelieveitsnotcake · 30/11/2025 22:01

Oh no OP he’s not interested and I cringed reading this.

If a man is interested in you, you’ll know.

If he blows hot and cold- he ain’t interested
If you are confused about how he feels about you- he ain’t interested
If he sends mixed signals- he ain’t interested.

He might like the attention which flatters his ego but that isn’t the same as liking you

If a man truly likes you, he won’t put himself in a position to lose you.

HighlyUnusual · 30/11/2025 22:03

Read 'he's just not that into you', it's a great book and will immediately tell you the answer to the question.

wineosaurusrex · 30/11/2025 22:46

Women always think that men are treating them badly because they'rr scared or 'freaking out' about how much they like them. This is never the case. That's crazy!