How on earth do you relax in a relationship? Or when?

[pinkduckk]

I am in a new relationship, post divorce, it's going well. It was unexpected and a really lovely surprise. It's early days, I have no idea where it's headed. There are currently no problems or issues.
I just don't know how to shake the feeling that because it's good, it can't last. I think after my marriage I don't believe things can go well in a relationship. I keep thinking "enjoy this while it lasts". Even if the relationship goes well, I just feel certain some shitty life event will come along and end it.
How can I be more confident and optimistic?

Well I am two years in and not relaxed yet,

Around the time his adorable habits become highly irritating!

Well, in a way you're right. Everything does end. Even if everything goes amazingly for the rest of your life, one day you will inevitably die. That's just a given of life.

Enjoying it in the moment is a good approach. Maybe instead of "enjoy the moment cos it won't last", try for the attitude of:
"It's great now so I'm enjoying today, and if the good thing ends, then I'll still have enjoyed these days, and I'll adapt to the new situation and find things to love in that as well."
It's kind of moving from the scarcity version of that thought to the abundant version - much the same sentiment, but the optimist rather than the pessimist version.

I quite like embracing the impermanence and natural changes of life, but I think the key is maybe to really believe within yourself that whatever happens, you'll be fine, that any grief or trouble that comes will pass and you'll be happy again, so there's really nothing to be afraid of.

Buddhist philosophy can be helpful on these points, I think they have a great take on it. Especially when you really get into what "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" really means in lived experience.

After resolving your initial disagreement by staying firm and recognising your mutual enjoyment, I am now with someone whose political views are very different from mine. We are complete opposites, yet we make each other laugh and share fundamental values. Plus, we fancy each other a lot. 😁

Now, we know each other's boundaries and are honest about who we are, which took several months to achieve.

These are all such interesting answers thank you!
@AcademyFootball do you feel like it's too good to be true almost?

I feel happy, and to be honest I'm not accustomed to it, so i think that's why I feel so shaky

@WrylyAmusedthank you for such a considered response, you're absolutely right and it's so helpful

My advice is to be totally and completely open. Be unapologetically yourself. If it doesn't land with him. Dump him. Life's too short. Centre yourself and your needs.

Could it be that you’re still recovering from the worry of your divorce and not comfortable with someone else yet? If you don’t know each other well that’s not unusual.
Talk to them more as you sound like you’re about to self sabotage. What comes next can be catastrophising over small issues and then ending it prematurely. Don’t ruin something that could go well and make you happy. What could help you feel more secure?

It comes with time and trust. I met someone probably too early after my marriage but it felt so right that I took the chance. The first year or so I felt very insecure and worried he would just think things were too complicated and he would up and leave.

One thing I never did was hide things from him that could impact the relationship, I was up front about being in divorce process, the reasons for it and that yes, it was a little early so we took it slow.

I thought the same as you, that it wasn’t possible to feel this happy, retrospectively it was the sign that I had found the right relationship. A decade on, we have our own home and family and I still feel happy and loved (though as PP has said, those annoying habits have crept in! 😂)

Just enjoy what you have, don’t overthink it, glad you have found happiness!

@RedBulbthat's exactly it...it's come along sooner than I would theoretically chosen and I feel I'm a lot to take on!
@Brightbluesomethingi didn't think i was still recovering, but on reflection I very much am...however I feel very comfortable with him which is lovely..
And @SwordToFlamethrowerunapologetically is just the right word, thank you, I'm not pretending to be anything I'm not...if it doesn't suit him I'll be on my own...my skin is weirdly thicker and thinner at the same time!

You have all your power here. No compromises! You'll do great :)

I learned to relax once we hit snags. His reaction and how he was willing to work with me to resolve things helped. He didn’t react like my ex and resolved any issues without raising his voice, discussing and showing a willingness to continue to love and try and understand.