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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worried for a friend

3 replies

LA1988 · 30/11/2025 00:56

My best friend has been with her partner 2yrs. He seemed really nice, good job, own home, reliable etc but then 6mths into their relationship I found out he had a terrible history for cheating. I gave him the benefit of the doubt & all was well they even talked about starting a family. 2 months ago she announced she was pregnant but unfortunately miscarried. A month later she came home to find him in bed with another girl. No suspicious behaviour leading up to this encounter. She forgave him & even went to couples counselling. 2 weeks later at a friend's wedding she found out he was texting one of the bridesmaids asking to meet up later. Over the last 3 weeks she has discovered hes been texting more women. I begged her to end things but then she got a call to say he had collapsed at home after he went on a mad binge of alcohol & cocaine. He ended up in hospital needing stents put in after a suspected heart attack (hes only 35) they had to put him in an induced coma. He came round a few days ago can barely speak or use his right arm. Shes been at his hospital bed day & night. Shes exhausted & sleep deprived but has said she can't leave him after all what's happened. Am really worried she's only staying out of guilt but deep down feel hes bought this all on himself, that he doesn't deserve her or her sympathy. I worry once hes over this he will just go back to his usual ways. His last 2 exes have both said they reason they left him was because they caught him in bed with another woman plus the drinking & cocaine on the weekends. He doesn't do either during the week because of work.

OP posts:
BlondeBonBon · 30/11/2025 05:18

As soon as he’s able he will be shagging any girl that moves. She needs to be with someone who respects her. If you can encourage her to get counselling to help her reflect on what a long term relationship with a druggie womaniser would be like. Also help her think about what sort of father of her children she wants.

UpDownAllAround1 · 30/11/2025 06:16

You know a lot of details as a friend. She should be worried

sesquipedalian · 30/11/2025 06:26

“His last 2 exes have both said the reason they left him was because they caught him in bed with another woman plus the drinking & cocaine on the weekends.”

And sadly, he will do precisely the same with your friend. It may be that the health scare is enough to get him to cut down for the time being, but he’s not suddenly going to turn into Mr Monogamous. Your friend would be well advised to find someone who wants to be married and have a family, and who will be a good role model for her children. The miscarriage may have been a lucky escape for her.

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