Another lonely weekend

[OrchidAndRoses]

Another weekend sat in bored, is this just life now? Kids don’t want to go out and whilst I know people will tell me to force them out it isn’t worth it, oldest is autistic and will likely just kick off and be a nightmare so trapped in again for another weekend, they don’t see their dad so I don’t get any time alone to do anything so if they don’t want to go out it means I’m sat in every weekend bored and struggling with the isolation of feeling trapped. I had plans this weekend but nope now another day wasted I like to have something to do at the weekend to take away from the mundane week so it helps me to feel better but now every weekend is spent sat in the house. People tell me I’m lucky to have my kids all the time and they hate when their kids go to the dads house but I’m guessing those kids actually want to go out and do stuff at the weekend?!

How old are your kids?

Do the kids have grandparents that could help out with looking after them?….that way you could get a brake?

This sounds terrible OP. If they’re too little for you to leave them alone, could you set time blocks on all the screen & devices in the house, so they get bored enough to want to go to the park? Little kids really need to leave the house at the weekend, it’s not good for any of you to be stuck inside.

You would think they would get bored but they wouldn’t unfortunately also my oldest is autistic so if they are kicking off taking them out is not going to work anyway as they would just be too hard to manage

No I only have my mum but she wouldn’t babysit for me

Could you do some painting or colouring with them?…or take them out into the garden and do some creativity with them?

The garden is not really useable at the moment it is very overgrown. They are older kids so aren’t interested in stuff like that they are 11 13 and 14

Is there any reason why you can’t go into your garden and start clearing it? At least then you would be out in the fresh air. If they see you out there they might get interested and want to come out and help.

local park? They can be as loud as they want to there, and maybe you can sit down for a nice moment whilst they play…

100% start clearing the garden- ideally with them but on your own would be good too.

Fresh air, exercise, and a purpose will do you a tonne of good.

I would think at those ages, they're old enough to be left by themselves at home for an hour or so?

Agree 100% with this.

Absolutely clear the garden so at least you can enjoy it and definitely go out for an hour or so they are old enough to be left. I suspect more is going on if you feel so unmotivated so if there is perhaps get some support.

OP

I was the same all day yesterday

They refused the park initially but I put my foot down and insisted it was lovely for an hour and yes very cold but they were wrapped up

I have no partner
There are no grandparents

My sister fights with me a lot says I buy them too much and that I need to eat the food In the freezer rather than. Dare take them out for a lovely roast on a Sunday

Anyway!!! My point is
Keep going g

T can be so hard
Get the garden ready
One hour a day
Don't stress over it

Have you good friends?
I have some but rarely see them

Invite friends to your house.
Hire a baby sitter
Leave them for a few hours each day, they are old enough to leave unless you have safety concerns.
I would join a class at the weekend early in the morning before they are awake.

You sound a bit depressed op

100% get them to help you clear the garden! Could be fun for all of you. (I live in a flat and would kill for some outdoor space!) If you're not sure where to start, post a picture and get some mumsnet advice.

I need a gardener and I can’t afford it right now

As explained the oldest is autistic and cannot be left alone

To be honest it all sounds very lethargic. You do not need a gardener to clear an overgrown garden. You need time and some hard work. Anyone can clear weeds and overgrown plants. Might be slow going but better than doing nothing.

Your reluctance to even try mirrors the children reluctance to go out. Model behaviour you want.

I sometimes build things up then don't want to do them as I worry too much

Get stuck in

Get some cheap tools and give the garden a go

Even a cheap strimmer?

Ok I’m not bothered about the garden, it’s too much for me and I don’t need to explain that or why it is. I will save up and pay someone to do it when I can.

Don't you have any hobbies you can do in the house; painting, sketching, reading, DIY, genealogy, an open uni course or similar, pilates. I'm home all day today and planning on painting Christmas tags for a few hours, is there anything you'd like to take up?

I do understand how overwhelming it can feel from my own experience. I would make at least one plan for a weekend between now and Christmas. A film ( they have showings for folk with ASD ). A walk to look at lights. I used to ( and still do ) social stories in the run up to something different to get my DS on board.

Getting in the garden is a plan. If you can’t face clearing it all get some bulbs, cheap pots and plant them. You’ll feel better for the fresh air, and even better in the Spring when they come through. You could get some cheap winter plants too to cheer you up in the meantime.

It is easy to say , but in my experience actually doing something, anything to break the pattern you’re in will help you to feel better. Sun’s out here, hope it is for you too!

Make a start.
Anyone can garden- even me.
it’s hard work but what you got to loose?

Then you get them out.
Kicking off or not.
The last thing they need is a depressed mum.