Separating from partner

[Ez12345]

Last night my partner told me he want us to go our seperate ways. He stated he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, and would be happy to stay friends over Christmas for our sons sake. We have been together 7 years and our little boy will be 3 in March. We own a house together and I’m just feeling really lost about what to do next. We would obviously neeed to sell the house, as I couldn’t afford to live here without his support. It’s all come abit out of the blue, we had a row Wednesday evening over something tiny and it’s all stemmed from there. I asked if he could maybe leave the house last night to give me some space but he refused. I need chance to grieve the relationship but it’s impossible for me to do with him around. I haven’t slept and I’m absolutely devastated. I’m also worried about how this will impact my son, he is such a happy little boy.

If you have been through a separation with a small child how did you cope? I’m not sure what I am looking here, maybe just some general advice. I need to think long term and my head is all over the place

I'm so sorry. I don't really have any experience but didn’t want to read and run.

Is there perhaps a good friend or family you could stay with with your son for a few days to give you some breathing space?

You sound like a very caring and dedicated mother and will I'm sure make this transition as smooth as possible for your son. The one good thing about him being so young is how quickly he will adapt to the change. ❤️

My little boy was 3 when me and his dad split up, and we was together 6 years. It was okay, tbh my little boy took it all in his stride as I always took him to see his dad at weekends, I mean my was a relief when we broke up but I stayed civil for my little boys sake, it will be okay, xx

That isn’t kind of him to not give you any space but I guess as he owns the house, he is entitled to stay there. So you might need to create your own space albeit outside of your house. A cheap Airbnb somewhere rural/beachy?

God I fucking hate men like this: I want my freedom but I still want my home comforts and to have you wash my shitty pants/provide meals/clean/look after my offspring plus an occasional shag because I've implied that getting back together is on the horizon etc etc.

Men rarely do this without a plan - so what's his? I would bet that he's had his head turned by a woman and by 'breaking' up with you, he thinks that he's a free agent to pursue it while feeding her the woe is me/I'm in a loveless marriage line. He'll see where this potential 'relationship' goes before fucking off and leaving you with the house and all of it's bills while paying minimal maintenance.
If it doesn't go anywhere then he'll be all 'I realise that's it's you that I want/I want to stay here/I 'love' only you. God, it's depressing....

Meanwhile you need to demand to know what his 'plan' is for where he's going, how he's going to manage his half of mortgage/rent/bills/child support going forward. Kick him out of the bedroom, stop doing his washing, stop cooking his meals and buying him food. Set up a proper shared child care schedule and then see what he does. If he decides to take it all back and stay, then make relationship counselling an absolute condition on his staying. You need to show him that you're not weak or a pushover or you will have him yo-yoing while the little lamb makes up his mind.

I would absolutely agree re the plan. With men like this, it is unlikely his plan is for altruism towards his dc, it will suit his own purposes.

I left my husband when my child was two years old, this was 2000 for reference. He was emotionally abusive, lazy, kept losing jobs (on purpose) and hated it when I was on maternity and wanted to work p/t. He hated not having the benefit of my salary. My ExH refused to leave the house, even though I was paying the bills. I went to stay with my mother. He agreed in court to leave in by the end of October (this was June), which he did. All the while I paid the bills as I did not want to lose my house. I owned a house previously and I had put all the money up for the new house.

Get legal advice as soon as possible. See what benefits you qualify for. Ask him his intentions, but be mindful he may well be lying or not stick to any agreements unless they are legal. Do not engage with him any more than you have to. Do not try and get back with him, it’s tempting when you are in this situation. Find your anger and your strength and resolution will flow from that.

I did not have Mumsnet when this happened to me, I wish it had been around for advice and support.

Good luck