New relationship. Unsure what to communicate

[onlyconnect]

I must have Googled something about new relationships recently because now my Instagram feed is bombarded with people giving advice about relationships.
One thing they all seem to say is that it is a good thing to address difficulty. I have never been good at this in the past.

I have recently started a new relationship which appears to be going very well indeed. It feels mutual and very intense. It is with someone I’ve known a while so I don’t have any big worries about the person.
But something happened this week which led to me feeling quite lonely for the first time in a long time. I had told my new boyfriend that I felt quite low one day this week and I think it was obvious that I was a bit emotional. The next day I didn’t have any contact from him at all until late at night. A little check in, a little “How are you feeling today?” would’ve made all the difference to me on that day.
I would like to say something about this to him. Very calmly, just pointing out what I need from a partner. But I’m also aware this possibly makes me look very needy and demanding and that he will read it as a complaint. I would appreciate anybody’s thoughts on this. Is it too trivial to mention? Does it just make me look needy? Should I wait and see if it happens again and if so address it then? Or is it a good thing to mention it gently now ? Although it’s small, I do think it touches on something bigger as it is about having my emotional needs met.

I don't think there's anything wrong with mentioning it gently, but he might ask you how you are when you next speak. My worry though is you say it's very intense. Why does it need to be intense so early on? I'd tread carefully if I were you. You don't need to rush things

You’ve stated it’s very intense and I’d be wary of that being a red flag for love bombing behaviour from him. The first sign of you being emotional and he goes quiet on you and instead of being supportive he responds with silence. Maybe he thought you needed space or maybe he didn’t want the “drama” 🙄 I would also be wary of placing responsibility for your well-being on someone else. It doesn’t sound like he’d be there for you if you needed emotional support.
A new relationship shouldn’t cause this much angst so early on.

ButWhysTheRumGone thank you for your reply. I think placing responsibility for my wellbeing on someone else is what I am wary of.
I can’t see where the division is between that and holding my own lines. I think it’s unfair ( and also not in my own interests) not to let someone know what my needs are.
My guess is that he didn’t realise that my needs ( as in feeling a bit low and emotional) were ongoing. I think he probably thought I was telling him that I had felt like that but it was over.
This happens quite a bit with me: people think I’m ok when I’m not. I look very together and sorted from the outside. In fact, I think that might be my way in. To let him know that about me rather than making him feel I’m moaning at him.

As for the intensity, I think it’s because we’ve known each other a while, we’re long distance and both genuinely very keen. I’m not worried about it.

A lot of men can't deal with anything emotional and tend to give it a swerve. How long have you been sering each other and why so intense? If it's a very short while l wouldn't say anything for now but keep an eye on the how he responds going forward. Be wary though as so many men avoid what they see as 'drama' but which in reality is just the comfort of a little bit of emotional support.

Why Is intensity worrying?

When he contacted you late that night did he make any reference to how you’d been feeling?

If he did, I think you’re being unreasonable to be put out that he’d not asked earlier. That may have been his first opportunity to text you.

If he completely ignored that you had told him you were unhappy then you now know how much attention he will pay to those kind of feelings. Even if he didn’t want to get into it so late in the evening he could have said he was tired but would want to talk about it tomorrow. He is a fair weather guy and probably not the man for you

Lurkingandlearning his message late at night was a voice message that didn’t reference how I’d been feeling but it was something very lovely- it feels a bit too outing to say exactly what.
I can also say I’m pretty sure he had plenty of time during the day.
He is someone who is emotionally intelligent but I'm now thinking not quite as emotionally intelligent as I thought.

Sounds like my ex. Be careful.
He was intense and love bombed me with adoration and constant affirmations. Had a bookshelf full of self improvement literature. MBTI types, love languages, attachment styles etc. All of his exes were the problem. Narcs, avoidant, anxious.
He was the common denominator!
He kept this up for around 2-3 months before the mask slipped
Comms became more sporadic when I wanted to see more of him and he was hiding a coke and alcohol habit.