Is texting cheating

[Minlee]

About 10 months ago my husband was caught secretly messaging our divorced neighbour. This went on day and night for months all over Xmas while I was sick,on Xmas day, while I was in hospital etc I found out he then deleted her but she then moved on to message him on Facebook did she do something wrong on him etc he deleted her again. He would delete the messages before he would come home incase I seen his phone.
I can’t get passed it I keep bringing it up, I never confronted my neighbour this took a lot of strength. Iv tried he’s trying so hard I no he loves me. I just can’t understand why especially with a women that he knows bullied my when I was a teen.
am I over reacting as it wasn’t sexual?

Texting about what?

Can you put our bin out?

Yes it sounds like they were having an emotional affair which for me would in a way be worse than if it were "just sex"!

I think it depends on the content of the messages and whether it was moving to emotional
affair territory

Wouldnt be hard to nip out regularly unnoticed either.

Yes it’s cheating, and even worse than it’s a neighbour and one that used to bully you, it’s nasty and disrespectful, I can’t imagine how humiliating and horrible it must be to live with this man and bump into the neighbour. Just because it’s not physically sexual that you know of! it doesn’t mean it’s ok.

It depends what was said in these texts.

I don’t see texting as cheating but I do see sexual texting as crossing a boundary that I wouldn’t accept,

It's still a betrayal of trust. Regardless if it wasn't sexual why hide it/delete it? He knew you wouldn't like it. Seems like you was clear about how she bullied you/wasn't a welcomed person in your life before the messaging started?
If it was just a innocent friendship then all would be out in the open.

Regardless if others wouldn't care in their relationship all that matters is your boundaries in your relationship.

Any hidden sneaky damaging to trust behaviour isn't welcome in my relationship.

It’s not acceptable for him to befriend the person who bullied you. Why would he even be having any kind of conversation with her? He must know how much this would upset you. So it doesn’t really matter whether you or he defines as cheating, it’s a form of betrayal. For me, this would be a deal breaker, as it shows he hasn’t got your back.

Anything you’re going with another person that you need to hide from your partner is borderline cheating

Thus sounds like an emotional affair and he was getting off on the attention.

it’s a betrayal of trust at the very least

Iv tried he’s trying so hard I no he loves me.

OP can you qualify your above statement? Your Husband’s lies and evasiveness over someone who has caused you distress, isn’t the actions of a man who loves or respects you. The only way to trust someone who continues to be untrustworthy is amnesia.

I am sorry this is happening to you but you can’t make him respect you, you can only say you won’t accept his lies and evasiveness and if he isn’t prepared to stop then you need to decide on the consequence.

How did you find out? Did he confess? That would make a difference to me.

Texting another woman day and night?
Deleting messages?
Doing this during family time and when you were ill?
Yes it's cheating.
And it sounds as though she is still bullying you by infiltrating your marriage.

I'm so sorry he is betraying you in this way OP.

Instead of trying to figure out if he was cheating, ask yourself if he was loyal and respectful to you and your marriage

He was in shower and I seen a message then said nothing and just watched for days. How he would go outside for a while or would leave his phone in car etc. I just

He’s texting another woman and hiding it.

Yes it is a form of cheating as well as attention seeking.

Not appropriate for a healthy relationship.

I know some men are attention seeking and immature, so think it’s okay to message, call etc if there’s “no sex” but it doesn’t make this okay.

Very much doubt he would have wanted you texting another bloke then deleting and hiding the messages.

Look up Kaylee Rose - Cheating

Sums it up

The fact that he was deleting the messages would tell me all I need to know