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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Will he ever feel guilt/regret? TW miscarriage

12 replies

ghhod93 · 29/11/2025 07:22

I was in a 3 year on off relationship (I’d tried to leave many times but I always crumbled and went back) with a man with strong narcissistic qualities, until this last time round I found out I fell pregnant. He instantly cut me off, ignored me, fucked off on holiday for 10 days- not a single check in. Once he was back i reached out, got ignored then decided I’d have the baby alone. I then found out that id suffered a missed miscarriage at a private scan which broke me. Funnily enough that was the one time he replied, making up excuses to why he’d been ignoring me, making everything about himself. He told me he’d take me to the hospital appt for a rescan and discussion of options of how to manage the miscarriage then the evening before he cancelled (but offered his kids mum to take me wtf??) and I had to go alone. Then he promptly rang me up when I was driving home from the hospital emotionally shattered having ago at me for picking the surgical route and not the pills as, “I don’t understand why you didn’t pick the pills when you were prepared to go through 9 months of pregnancy pain,” “if you want a baby just adopt one,” “yes you’ve gone through it alone but you could of ended it at the start.” He refused to take a single day off work to take me for surgery and be with me for 24 hours after.

I guess in my mind I can’t comprehend this behaviour as I would have done anything for this man, stupidly I guess. I wanted the baby and I’ve been grieving and faced everything alone. Will he ever look back and feel bad about this? It’s been a week since my surgery and although I blocked him after he was so cruel he has made no effort to find out if I’m okay or his forbid, apologise. I’ll just never understand how anyone can have no empathy and be so cruel. We live in the same town very close. I dread driving past or bumping into him when he can carry on his life happily and I am so broken.

OP posts:
Trainerrow · 29/11/2025 07:25

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ghhod93 · 29/11/2025 07:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

You’re right. I don’t know why it bothers me. It just hurts x

OP posts:
CarrierbagsAndPJs · 29/11/2025 07:29

He wont ever feel anything about it. He does not care. He is not a good person. You need to speak to your GP. You need some therapy. Repeatedly choosing something that is bad for you, this man, is a problem.

Do not have sex with this awful man again. He is using you.

firstofallimadelight · 29/11/2025 07:32

You know the person he is, he would have likely been a terrible co parent and father.
it’s over but maybe you need counselling to help you move forward?

GeorgeEdwardsMum · 29/11/2025 07:37

You're worth so much more than this. It wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't turn up sooner or later giving you all sorts of bullshit excuses. His past behaviour should show you exactly who he is...a walking, talking red flag.
You need to stay away from him (and anyone) until you get counselling to help you see what a healthy relationship looks like and establish firm boundaries. Do not go back to this man.

ghhod93 · 29/11/2025 07:40

GeorgeEdwardsMum · 29/11/2025 07:37

You're worth so much more than this. It wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't turn up sooner or later giving you all sorts of bullshit excuses. His past behaviour should show you exactly who he is...a walking, talking red flag.
You need to stay away from him (and anyone) until you get counselling to help you see what a healthy relationship looks like and establish firm boundaries. Do not go back to this man.

I’ve blocked him everywhere and removed myself off social media completely. I did catch him drive past my home the other day (I live down a dead end road) he’s done this in the past too which I just find weird. I’m thinking of contacting my GP In the next week and explaining everything. Thank you x

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 29/11/2025 07:45

Essentially you want the trigger (him contacting you) that sucks you back into the destructive cycle. This is going to sound heartless and I don’t mean it to be but if your pregnancy had been successful, it would have been the ultimate excuse to continue to pursue this man.

At some point you need to accept responsibility for wanting this clearly undesirable man and to do the work to move past him.

Summerhillsquare · 29/11/2025 07:46

You can't change other people's behaviour, but you can change your own.

I would be keeping a record of his odd behaviour though, in case he shapes up to be a stalker.

Cadenza12 · 29/11/2025 07:50

No, in answer to your original question, he won't ever feel guilt or regret. He may well contact you if he feels you are moving on or he wants to get back together. He's not in this for you. But no, guilt is not in this mans makeup. Look for someone who shows you love, commitment or at least respect in the future. Don't settle for 3rd best.

BountifulPantry · 29/11/2025 09:11

Do you have a ring doorbell or security camera? Maybe time to get one if not. Even a webcam poking out your window would work.

Endofyear · 29/11/2025 09:24

No he won't ever feel bad. He's a scumbag. Please get support from elsewhere https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
They provide online support groups etc and reach out to your friends and family. I'm so sorry for your loss - look after yourself lovely 💐

The Miscarriage Association:Pregnancy Loss Information & Support

Learn about the Miscarriage Association, how to cope, and support those experiencing pregnancy loss. Access vital resources and information.

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk

JudgeBread · 29/11/2025 09:29

I'm so sorry for what you went through and for your loss 💐

He probably won't ever feel guilty, because he's the kind of person who goes through life thinking he can do no wrong, and anything bad happening is someone else's fault. He's cruel and self-absorbed.

You'd do well to block him and never engage with him again - even if you see him out and about. Blank him or act like you didn't see him. He's not a person you should want in your life.

Is mental health support an option that's available and affordable for you? You shouldn't ignore the harm going through a horrible relationship and then suffering a miscarriage at the end of it could do to you psychologically, and you do sound like you could use some support both with the miscarriage and with your self-esteem.

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