Feeling upset about a guy that keeps flirting with me but won’t ask me on a date.

[milkyway512]

Hi all, I am 26 and there’s this guy at my work and I have a bit of a crush on him. We work in the civil service in the uk.

since I asked him to help me with fixing my spreadsheet, he has been flirting with me, but this flirting has involved a LOT of teasing and some of it has gone too far: ie, jokingly saying “we’re all waiting for you to end it, I reckon early 2026.” I went to my line manager and he gently had an informal chat with him about being mindful of what he says to me.

he also makes fun of my fashion sense, calling what I wear “teachery” and “English teacher” and “PE teacher” in regards to my coat. He also made fun of my hunch as I have posture issues due to my ASD.

but he once said he missed me over teams, and would constantly message me over teams and there would be this banter. But then he said he went on dates with three other girls, once of which he walked out of.

now I think he’s dating this other girl, but there’s no evidence for this except she walked past him and completely ignored him, and he turned around in quite a theatrical way and stared at her and looked really let down and confused. I think he fancies her but I’m not sure what happened there.

he flirted with me again the other day, it’s all intense and he flares his nostrils a lot and he used to touch me a lot as well. What do I do? I know he doesn’t really truly fancy me and have any intention of dating me. What do you think is going on? Thank you

That’s not flirting, it’s bullying.

This, do you want him to ask you on a date? He sounds like an arse!

Please find your self esteem and minimise contact with him. He sounds awful and you deserve better!

What is it you actually fancy about him because he sounds a bit of a prick to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think he sounds like a complete and utter prick. The office twat who thinks he’s a player

Avoid as much as humanly possible

Good grief!! If you have a crush on him and think he's flirting you have a very weird sense of a healthy relationship!!

Kindly, I think you might be overthinking whether he likes you (or others), but more to the point, the signals that you are reading as romantic interest are concerning.

If someone was speaking to me that way, I would feel they had a weird need to control my feelings and enjoyed having a sense of power over me. It would put me right off.

He's enjoying bullying you. It probably brightens his day. He's that sort of man.

That's not flirting, that's intimidatory, bullying behaviour with a dollop of sexual assault thrown in for good measure. I think you need to speak to someone about this, it's beyond inappropriate.

He clearly doesn't Excel at flirting.

I'm here all week 👌

He's not a nice person, OP.

Creep.

Your title is so misleading. None of it is flirting in any way. He is humiliating and poking fun at you constantly. I would stay far away from someone like him and would reply to messages only if required. If he continues his harassment, you need to report it to HR. Also, why are you so involved in who he dates?

Its hard when it seems like your best place to meet someone is at work as you are there the most. A crush to bring excitement to a dull day is understandable but don't act on this. This man isn't a good one - his 'banter' and touching is just wrong and inappropriate. You can do better OP

Yep Ryan from Dundler Mifflin!

I have autism and I know none of that is any kind of flirting

if he was interested he’d ask you out. It’s really that simple and you need to keep that thought upmost and centre.

everything else is irrelevant though I agree he doesn’t sound like he’s being nice to you.

He’s enjoying playing with you in all sorts of ways. There’s a kind of sadistic streak to it. He is an unhealthy man (probably abusive) and you’ll be best off protecting your heart and shutting it down. Do you know what gray rock is? Look it up and gray rock him. Any reaction out of you fuels this really bad situation.

He sounds weird OP.

At best, he's very immature and can't read the room with regards to appropriate banter. At worst, he's a slimy weirdo. Stay clear of him if you can, and be prepared for another chat with your manager. Star recording what he does. Times & dates, in case you need it.

If he's tries to 'banter' over Teams, make it clear that you want to discuss work and put him on mute if he chooses to ignore that.

All the civil servants I know are super boring compared to this story.

I actually used to work with one like this. Though being bald overweight and pushing 60, his best years where he could get away with a bit of flirting weed behind him and he was just an inappropriate creepy old sleaze bucket. He was nicknamed haves on Harry due to his fondness of walking up behind women and massaging their shoulders .

Letchy old fucker was a regular in HR with a complaints file as thick as War & Peace and every time he was pulled up he acted shocked and repeated ‘it’s only banter’ like a mantra

He’s a bully . That’s not flirting

Sorry op but i dont read it as flirting, i read it as he`s acting like a twat, and he likes doing it to you, because hes getting away with it..
Id tell him straight piss off mate get on with your work.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I think you are all right - I thought it would be a good idea to post this as I needed a reality check to be honest. I don’t think it’s positive and it doesn’t impact me positively either.

thank you all so much for responding! I will take all this on board for sure. Thank you