Anyone else do this?

[Butterfly1728]

So, I’m 43 and married with no children (DH has 3 adult children).

I’ve noticed throughout my life that I’m not very good at being “taken care of”. As an example, if I’m ill my mum will pander and I can’t bear it, similarly if my husband tries to look after me I resist it.

Does anyone else do this or know where it comes from?

I’m the same, but think it’s because I’ve always been the caretaker (severely disabled DB) and I never knew my mum so grew up with just my DF who (although generally fab) wasn’t the best at being overly lovey/caring. DH is super lovey and caring so I find it hard to accept as I was never used to it

I'm the same. Cannot stand being fussed over. I find it all dramatic. I've always been the one doing the looking after since an early age.

Me, luckily DH isn't the caring kind, so it's not a problem.

My father died when I was a child and being one of a large family I learnt to be very self sufficient. It's just stayed with me, I care for others, not the other way around.

I can really relate to @blankcanvas3 . I was responsible for my youngest brother.

I don’t really overthink it. It’s not rooted in any sort of childhood dynamic as previous posters have suggested it is for them. I’ll accept help when I need it, but except for the rare occasion I’ve been so unwell I’ve genuinely needed help to drink or go to the bathroom, somebody trying to look after me is trying to solve a problem I don’t have. I can make myself a Lemsip and go to bed. If somebody then tries to flap about and make me comfortable or bring me shit, they’re just giving me the extra job of having to engage with them. I dislike upmarket hotels and restaurants for the same reason: I can carry my own bag, pull out my own chair, and pour my own wine. Giving me the opportunity to watch somebody else carry my bag, pull out my chair, and pour my wine isn’t saving me any time, it’s a net zero experience.

It seems quite a gendered social expectation in many ways: that women are “naturally” supposed to want and need to be looked after, infantilised almost. Nobody thinks anything of a man who doesn’t want to be unnecessarily fussed if he’s feeling unwell and sorts himself out, or doesn’t want help with a simple task.

I’m the same. No childhood trauma or buried drama I just like being left on my own and I hate fuss. Always been the same. My mum said even as a little girl I wanted to be left alone when I was unwell and I couldn’t bear any attention on me

Im single now through choice and the thought of having a man around the place wanting a conversation when I want peace fills me with dread

I’m like this. I see it as fuss and mither so if I’m not feeling that great I just keep it to myself and plod on. I was actually dreadful in December 2019 and I commented to DH last year that I think I might have had Covid then as I’ve never felt as bad in my life. His reply “Oh, I didn’t even know you were ill”.