LTR break up support

[Exhausted1910]

Struggling so badly. Moved out on my own after 10 years with my partner and we have gone fully no contact, haven't spoken in almost 2 weeks.. I know for sure that it is the right decision. He has been controlling, financially abusive and if I could list the things he's said to me over the years I think you would all be horrified. So I have no doubts that I had to leave him for the sake of my future and my wellbeing as my mental health is rock bottom.

Why is it so hard? I just want to text him every second of the day. I want to go home to him even though most nights when I did go home I'd probably be upset by/with him for one reason or another. I know it's because he's been the main person in my life for so long but I just don't know how to navigate this? It doesn't help that he was trying to get me to stay and being super nice to me until the day I moved out so I have those recent memories in my head. I just need some advice to get through this really horrible period.

Write a list of all these horrible, awful and unforgivable things he’s done and said.

Then write a list of all the things you can do now that you couldn’t when you were with him like have financial freedom, not argue every day, not worry who you were going home to, not have to be belittled and abused every day.

Then every time you want to text him, you read those lists and you remember why you left. It’s hard now because he has decimated your self esteem and made you think you don’t deserve any better and the grass isn’t greener but you do and it is.

Read some self help books…

Why does he do that
The six pillars of self esteem
Women who love too much
Lose a cheater, gain a life

There are so many - check out Goodreads.

Do all the things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t because of him.

Invest in friendships.

And get counselling.

Thanks both helpful advice and I will take this on board. I feel definitely that my self esteem is low.

I also feel like my friendships are ruined as it took me so long to leave that I think friends are just fed up with me and can't listen to it anymore. No one has really checked in as I don't think they believe it's really over and I think are fed up with listening to it so just feeling so isolated from them too which probably doesn't help. Don't know how to even start mending those friendships while navigating this

Invite a few of your friends for drinks and nibbles, and a good natter. Be positive, don't wallow, show interest in their lives and try your best to not talk about yourself and your woes.

Try and explore stuff that interests you, as well as things you’ve never done. Read books you always meant to read. Learn Italian or Mandarin. Get some acrylics and paint. Attend a performance of the Messiah. Get a couple of dumbbells and start weight training. Or whatever floats your boat!!

Min 30 days no contact. Christmas may be hard of course but distract distract distract

Letting go is so hard. I hope you find the strength for it to finally be the end. One day at a time.

For me it helps to use a habit tracker and track how long you’ve gone not messaging him. This way you feel like you’re doing something. As you get further into time, it’ll get so much easier.